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====Welcome to JokesUncut
=====Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The Whole
Clan
======Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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INTRODUCTION:
How long do you think you should allow people to
send you
stuff via eBay? If they tell you it could take up
to 28
days and then the 28 days expire and you're up to
30 days
what do you do because they're only a couple of
days over
but if you paid via PayPal and want the protection
just in
case they run off with your money then what do you
do? Do
you keep waiting or report them when it could
already be
in the post. I'm one of these people that always
likes to
trust people and give them the benefit of the
doubt and
that's caused me to be stung a few times... but N
ever lose
my trust in humanity.
We're off out for a meal tonight with friends so
while you
may be reading I may be having a lovely nice meal.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to
bed eating
popcorn?
A: She woke up with a kernel between her legs.
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CARTOON TIME:
Ken And Barbie
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200411/001.htm
My Thoughts On You
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200411/002.htm
Tag Team Pooping
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200411/003.htm
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FUN PAGE
Your Baby Picture (Fun)...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/ybp.htm
Four Candles (Inspirational)...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/4candles.htm
I'm Fine (Fun)...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/fine.htm
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GAY WEDDINGS
Now that Canadian Gay Marriages have been
legalized, here are the new rules:
1) On the day of a gay wedding, it's bad luck
for the two grooms to see each other at the gym.
2) Superstition suggests that, for good luck, the
couple should have: Something bold, something
flirty,
something trashy, something dirty.
3) It's customary, at gay and lesbian nuptials,
for
the parents to have an open bar during the entire
ceremony.
4) Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms
refrain from eating any of the wedding cake
because
it's all carbs and sugar.
5) It's considered bad luck for either of the
grooms to
have dated the priest.
6) During the first dance, it's considered unlucky
to
use glow sticks, flags, whistles or hand held
lasers.
7) For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the
bouquet is always thrown in the face of a hated
rival.
8) The reception hall must have a disco ball and
at
least one go-go dancer.
9) The wedding singer is not allowed to play/sing
Let's Hear It For the Boy, It's Raining Men, or I
Will
Survive.
10) The father of the Bottom has to pay for
everything!
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OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABIES
A number of Primary Schools were doing a project
on "The Sea". Kids
were asked to draw pictures, or write about their
experiences.
Teachers got together to compare the results, and
put together
some of the comments that were funny, and some
that were sad. Here
are some of them. The kids were all aged between 5
and 8 years.
This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight
testicles. (Kelly age 6)
Whales are animals, not fish. If they don't get
air they can
drown, like my brother did last summer. (David age
7)
Oysters balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
I don't like the sea. It makes me sick on the
ferry. (Peter age 6)
My goldfish died. Why? (Katie age 5)
If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If
you don't have sea
all round you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)
I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big
teeth, just
like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no
more. (Kylie age 6)
A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top
of it's head. (Billy
age 8)
My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes
back with crabs.
(Millie age
6)
When ships had sails, they used to use the trade
winds to cross
the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow,
the sailors would
whistle to make the wind come. My brother said
they would be better
off eating beans. (William age 7)
I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like
their shiny
tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby
brother is always
screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at
my Mum, and my
big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think
what to write. (Amy
age 6)
Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting.
Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under
the sea where I
think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)
My mum has fish nets, but doesn't catch any fish.
(Laura age 5)
When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold,
and it makes my
willy small. (Kevin age 6)
When me and Sarah went to the sea side in the
summer holidays, we
hid in the sand dunes and watched my big sister
doing it with her
boy friend. It was fun. (Lauren age 7)
A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but
it has lots of
seamen inside. (Emma age 5)
When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big
ship, and have lots
of sailors (Valerie age 6)
Divers have to be safe when they go under the
water. Two divers
can't go down alone, so they have to go down on
each other. (Becky age
8)
On holiday my Mum went water ski-ing. She fell off
when she was going
very fast. She says she won't do it again because
water shot up her
fanny. (Julie age 7)
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