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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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INTRODUCTION:
Welcome to another week, let's hope it's a great
one. It
seems just like yesterday we were seeing in 2000
whilst
some people thought that the world was going to
end and
others thought all technology was going to
crash... and
now it's 2005.
Did you know that you burn more fat when you're
asleep than
at any other time... including aerobic exercise
and that the
best method to actually lose weight is to make
sure you get
more sleep. You can speed up this process by
having a couple
of spoonfulls of something rich in fructose such
as honey
before going to bed. You also need to stop
consuming
caffeine which helps keep you awake which means
less time
for burning fat.
Have a great day and don't forget to check out
todays
fun pages and cartoons all of which are brand new!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
The budget-minded women was always clipping
coupons in the
young, lean years when she was first married, and
even kept
detailed records of how much money she saved. One
of her
first jobs way back then was running the cash
register at
the local drugstore. One day, she had a
self-conscious young
man approach the counter to buy some condoms. She
noticed a
dollar-off coupon on the box and asked him if he'd
like to
use it, adding that she and her husband had saved
over $400
redeeming coupons last year. The stunned young man
replied,
"On these?!"
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CARTOON TIME:
Sorting Out An Accident
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200410/016.htm
Accupuncture
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200410/017.htm
Nowhere For The Sneeze To Go
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200410/018.htm
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FUN PAGE
AssWipes
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/asswipes.htm
I'm So Happy I'm A Woman...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/happywoman.htm
The 1st Of April
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/0401.htm
Castlecat 3 (game)...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/castlecat3.htm
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Would you like a $250 Jewelry Gift Card by
participating in
a special promotion?
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SUPER POWERS
Superman decides to go out on the town one evening
-
flies over to the bat cave and asks Batman out for
a beer.
Batman replies: "Sorry, I can't come out tonight -
the bat
mobile is broken down, I have to fix it to fight
crime
tomorrow".
Superman takes off and flies over to Spiderman to
see if
he wants to go out for a beer.
Spiderman says: "No thanks, the web is not
shooting properly,
I have to fix it to fight crime tomorrow."
Superman then decides to fly over to
Wonder-woman's. He
arrives to find Wonder-woman on her roof
completely naked
on her back. Superman thinks to himself that he
could fly
down there quicker than the speed of light, do his
business
and fly away before she realizes what has
happened.
So he flies down, does his business and takes off.
Wonder woman says: "what the hell was that?" and
then the
Invisible man says: "I don't know, but my butt is
surely
burning!"
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THE DAUGHTER
The Irish daughter had not been to the house for
over 5
years. Upon her return, her father cussed her,
"Where have
you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't
you write
us, not even a line to let us know how you were
doing? Why
didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know
what you
put your Mum through?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff...Dad...
I became
a prostitute..."
"WHAT? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner!
You're a
disgrace to this family - I don't want to see you
again!"
"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give
Mom this
luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten bed-room
mansion, plus
a savings account certificate for £5 million. For
my little
brother, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy the
spanking new
Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked
outside
plus a lifetime membership to the Country
Club...(takes a
breath)---an invitation for you all to spend New
Year's Eve
on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."
"Now what was it you said you had become?"
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff ... A Prostitute
Dad, ...
sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! - You scared me half to death,
girl! I
thought you said a Protestant!!! Come here and
give your
old man a hug."
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