JokesUncut - 06 January 2005

 

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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom

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INTRODUCTION:

I'm sorry to have neglected you lovely people the last
couple of days but I have been spending plenty of time
doing things for the website including heaps of new web
pages packed full of cartoons.

Have a great day and don't forget we have lots of other
lists for you to sign up for at www.ezines4all.com, don't
forget the 'LABLaughs' lists published five days a week
thanks to the tireless efforts of Lorraine who never goes
off and deserts her subscribers for days on end!

Have a fantastic day!

Phil

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QUICK JOKE

There was a young woman named Jeannie
Who sobbed to her date, "You're a meanie".
You claim you're a stud
But, oh, what a dud!
Your prick is a real teeny-weeny.

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CARTOON TIME:

If Only Nature Was More Balanced
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200410/013.htm

Difficult Situation
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200410/014.htm

The Catholics Are At It Again
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200410/015.htm

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FUN PAGE

The Best Day Of My Life...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/bestday.htm

Every Woman's Angel...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/womansangel.htm

The Ant...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/ant.htm

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WHY THE INTERNET IS LIKE A VAGINA

The more people use it the bigger it gets.

If you play with it too much you can go blind.

You wouldn't believe the things people put in there!

Some people think they know how to move around in it, but
they really can't interface.

In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to receive
information considered vital to the survival of the species.

Some people still think that's the only thing it should
be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of
the time.

It has no conscience and no memory.

It provides a way to interact with other people.

If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures,
it can spread viruses.

It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If
you use it too much you'll find it becomes more and more
difficult to think coherently.

You think you're just playing around, but you can get
involved in something that takes 9 months to finish.

The part you see is actually just the front end of a very
complicated system.

If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you
in big trouble.

It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your
intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask
yourself "why on earth did I do that?"

Some folks have it, some don't.

Those who have it think that those who don't have it are
somehow inferior.

Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but
think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make
about it. Still, many of those who don't have it spend all
their time trying to access it.

Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some
people would just play with it all day if they didn't have
work to do.

Some people believe in security and avoiding penetration but
others believe it should be open to all comers.

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VIRGINS RISE

The Catholic priest in a small town had become very
perturbed, and he decided to lay it on the line to the
congregation.

"Brothers, sisters," he said solemnly, "it has come to my
attention that there are tales to the effect that
immorality is rampant in our fair town. To be specific, it
is being said that there is not one virgin left here. This
vile lie must and shall be refuted. In order to do so, I
ask every virgin in the congregation to rise."

Not a woman stirred.

The priest said, "I understand the modesty that would make
a young lady hesitate to announce her condition publicly,
but it is necessary to do so. Young women, I conjure those
to rise who are truly virgins."

And still not a woman stirred.

Wrath now moved the priest. "Will you, for the fear of
experiencing a small shame, incur a great one? This is an
order from the Almighty: Let all virgins stand!"

And as his thunderous tones died away, a young lady, far in
the rear, with a baby in her arms, rose bashfully.

The preacher stared with astonishment at the baby, then
said, "Young woman, I'm asking the virgins to stand."

And the young lady answered indignantly, "Well, father, do
you expect this six-month-old girl to stand by herself...?"

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