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=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
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INTRODUCTION:
Our weekend was busy. On Saturday we were sitting
down
eating dinner at night when we got a phone call
saying
"are you still coming tonight?" we'd forgotten
we'd been
invited over to a friends house for a games night
and
supper. We were then immediately instructed to
stop eating
and were told what time we'd be picked up. The
games night
was great, we played various versions of a game
called
"who's in the bag?" and we had a lovely supper,
lots of our
friends were their and we didn't go home until
1am. On
Sunday we went out for lunch to another friends
house after
church and at night we went to another friends
house for
supper... so quite a busy weekend for me.
We were Christmas shopping yesterday and today. We
got stuck
in a traffic jam yesterday which was miserable and
made
worse by the fact we were in a taxi and the meter
was
ticking away. I've managed to get Christmas
presents for one
of my sisters as she gives me a huge list every
year which
you would need a re-mortgage in order to get
everything on
it. I haven't managed to buy anything for my
sister or my
Mum yet and time is really running out. It looks
like I
might have to go down the toiletries and
chocolates route
if I don't get any ideas soon. I've got little
things to
open but no 'main' present. I want to buy my Mum a
32"
integrated digital widescreen sorround sound TV
but she
claims she doesn't need a new TV despite only
having a 20"
4:3 mono TV which isn't digital compatible. It
only has
one scart socket and she can't even record off of
Sattelite... not that she even has a recordable
DVD yet...
or even a DVD!!! She seriously needs to get into
the 21st
century.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
The pretty coed nervously asked the doctor to
perform
an unusual operation, the removal of a large chunk
of
green wax from her navel.
Looking up from the ticklish task, the physician
asked, "How did this happen?"
Let me put it this way, doc," the girl began. "My
boyfriend likes to eat by candlelight."
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CARTOON TIME:
Stuffed Full Of Meat
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/064.htm
Chicken Shit
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/065.htm
Just The Way I Like It
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/066.htm
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FUN PAGE
A nice soppy page...
Road Of Friendship...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/road.htm
A new platform game today...
Alien Hominid...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/alienh.htm
Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm
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BROOM
A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a
broom factory. After
2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The
boss was quite unhappy
to let her go since she was hard working, knew her
tasks etc. He called
her into his office, "But why?" he asked.
"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said
sullenly.
"Look, I'll give you a raise."
"No," she said
"You can't just quit like that. There must be a
reason. Tell me."
"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she
took off her underwear
and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had
this before, it's the
broom's bristles, I tell you..."
Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his
underwear and showed his,
and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I
have it too...."
"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks,
I quit now! Not only
do you have the bristles, but you've grown the
handle as well."
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PIECE OF PROPERTY
One evening, after attending the theater, two
gentlemen were
walking down the avenue when they observed a
rather well
dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of
them.
One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd
give
$250.00 to spend the night with that woman." Much
to their
surprise, the young lady overheard the remark,
turned
around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that
offer." She
had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so
after bidding
his companion good night, the man accompanied the
young lady
to her apartment.
The following morning, the man presented her with
$125.00 as
he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the
money
stating, "If you don't give me the other $125.00,
I'll sue
you for it." He laughed saying, "I'd like to see
you get it
on these grounds."
The next day, he was surprised when he received a
summons
ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a
lawsuit.
He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details
of the
case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a
judgment
against you on such grounds, but it will be
interesting to
see how her case will be presented."
After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer
addressed
the court as follows: "Your honor, my client, this
lady, is
the owner of a piece of property--a garden
spot--surrounded
by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property
she agreed
to rent to the defendant for a specified length of
time for
the sum of $250.00. The defendant took possession
of the
property, used it extensively for the purposes for
which it
was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he
paid only
$125.00, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The
rent was
not excessive, since it is restricted property,
and we ask
judgment be granted against the defendant to
assure payment
of the balance."
The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by
the way
his opponent had presented the case. His defense,
therefore,
was somewhat different from the way he originally
planned to
present it. "Your honor," he said, "My client
agrees that
the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did
rent such
property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was
derived
from the transaction. However, my client found a
well on the
property around which he placed his own stones,
sunk a
shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed
personally by
him. We claim these improvements to the property
were
sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that
the
plaintiff was adequately compensated for the
rental of said
property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be
granted."
The young lady's lawyer answered thus: "Your honor,
my
client agrees that the defendant did find a well
on her
property. However, had defendant not known that
the well
existed, he would never have rented the property.
Also,
upon evacuating the premises, the defendant
removed the
stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump
with him.
In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment
through the
shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it
was prior
to his occupancy, making the property much less
desirable to
others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be
granted."
In the Judge's decision, he provided for two
options: "Pay
the 125.00 or have the equipment detached and
provided to
the plaintiff for damages." The defendant wrote a
check
immediately.
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