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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
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INTRODUCTION:
I hope you all had a great weekend, all to sadly
Monday
comes to creep back upon us very quickly.
Work hard all week... I'm sure the rewards will be
worth it!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
TZ goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, you've got
to help me.
My wife is unfaithful to me. Every Friday night,
she goes to
Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps
with anybody
who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I
should do?"
"Relax," says the doctor, "take a deep breath and
calm down.
Now, tell me, where exactly is Larry's bar?"
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Cute Names
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Ring Of Fire
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FUN PAGE
Best Positions In Bed - Not What You Think!...
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Wakeboarding...
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LONG LIFE
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would
like to live very long. What should I do?"
"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor
replies.
"Let's see, do you smoke?"
"Oh.. Half a pack a day."
"Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees.
The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"
"Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with
my
meals, and a beer or two every once in a while."
"Starting now, you drink only water. No
exceptions."
The man is a bit upset, but also agrees.
The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"
"Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."
"Starting now you are going on a very strict diet.
You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no
dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."
The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this
really necessary?"
"Do you want to live long?"
"Yes."
"Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't
even think of breaking the diet." The man is
quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do
you have sex?"
"Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!"
he adds hurriedly.
"As soon as you get out of here you are going to
buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None."
The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm
going to live longer this way?"
"I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure
you is going to seem like an eternity!"
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WANT TO DANCE?
Two men at abar had been enjoying a few drinks for
the past couple of
hours. One of them notices a beautiful woman
sitting in the corner.
One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to
dance with that girl."
The other replies, "Well go ahead and ask her,
don't be a chicken shit."
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says,
"Excuse me. Would you
be so kind as to dance with me."
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says,
"I'm sorry. Right now
I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit
than dance."
The man humbly returns to his friend. "So what did
she say?" he asks.
"She said she's constipated on macaroni and would
rather shit her
pants."
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