JokesUncut - 23 November 2004

 

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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:

Hello folks, I won't write a long intro today because all
that would do is delay the fun... so go and have some fun!

Phil

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QUICK JOKE

A blonde and a brunette are both in an elevator.

On the third floor a man gets on who's perfect: Italian
suit, handsome, great build with a nice butt, but
unfortunately they both notice he has a bad case of
dandruff. The man gets off on the 5th floor.

Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and
says, "Someone should give him Head & Shoulders."

To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders?"

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CARTOON TIME:

Respecting Your Elders
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/046.htm

Not A Virgin
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/047.htm

Taking The Hint
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/048.htm

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FUN PAGE

Y'all gonna come down to the ranch and do some of that there
shooting at stuff and that. Ye-ha!

Trapshoot...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/trapshoot/index.htm

Advice From Old Ladies
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/advice.htm

Magic Card Trick...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/cards.htm

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SERVICE YOUR COW

A young farm-girl answers the door and sees an older neighbor standing
there.

"My paw ain't home," the young girl says, "but I know what you want and
I am sure I can help you. You want our bull to service your cow. Well,
my paw charges one hundred and fifty dollars fer his best bull."

"That's not I want," growled the neighbor

"We also have a young bull who is just starting out. My paw charges one
hundred dollars fer him," she replies.

"That's not I want either," growls the neighbor.

"Well then, we have an old bull out in the pasture. He can still do the
job. My paw charges only fifty dollars fer him." she informs him.

"That's not what I want at all. I came here to see your pa about
that-there brother o' your'n. Your brother Elmer made my daughter
pregnant," the neighbor hisses.

"Oh. I guess you'll have to see my paw about that then, 'coz I don't
know what he charges fer Elmer."

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MARTIAL ARTS

Guy is sitting at the bar, bothering nobody when this big galoot come up
to him and just kicks the shit out of him.

"Damn!" Says the guy. "What the hell was that?"
"A little Judo from Japan" says the galoot.

The guy leaves and goes down the street to a different bar. About a
half hour later the same bully comes up and again whoops his ass to
parade rest.

"WOW" Says the guy. "What the hell was that?"
"A little Karate from Korea" says the bully.

So fifteen minutes later at yet another bar, the guy is introduced to "A
little Tae Kwon Do from Taiwan."

He jumps in his car and locks the doors. The bully feels like he has
had a good day and is sitting at a bar telling his IQ=15 buddies what a
hero he is when the "guy" comes up behind him and decks his ass with one
blow. He then turns to the Bully's buddies and says "When the son-of
-a-bitch wakes up, tell him it was a little ol' tire iron, from Sears."

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