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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
The days seem to be getting shorter and shorter
right now,
as do the weekends. I went to the supermarket
today to get
one item specifically... I ended up buying lots of
stuff
I didn't need and after all that they didn't even
have the
item I wanted... so nothing 'super' about that
supermarket
other than the length of the queues. They had a
few empty
tills and queues the length of the supermarket...
if I'd had
any frozen stuff it'd be defrosted by the time I
got to the
front. I am SO glad that I do my main grocery
shopping
online. That is a service we have here in Scotland
that I
know the USA don't generally have. You go to a
website and
you can order all your groceries... it lists all
the special
offers, remembers your favourite items for you and
has
pictures and descriptions of every single item
you'd find
in a supermarket. You then book a time slot for it
to be
delivered... and the next day (or whatever day you
wish)
the van turns up and the nice men carry all your
shopping
in for you... the frozen stuff is still frozen
because the
van has a freezer section in it... the service
costs £3.99
which is far less than the cost of a taxi there
and back...
and the hours it takes to go round the store...
and the
effort of carrying it all in... BUT the great
thing is that
you can find 'internet exclusive' coupons every
single time
for £10.00 off when you spend £75.00, which
believe me I
find extremely easy to do... so that more than
cancels out
the service charge.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
A fella was saying to his friend, "My wife seems
to
have developed some sort of fixation that her
collection of fur coats will be stolen. When I
came
home early one day last week, I found she'd hired
someone to *guard* them!
In fact, she stationed the poor guy right inside
the
closet!"
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CARTOON TIME:
New Titspray
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/043.htm
Sadly This Doesn't Happen
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/044.htm
Not My Idea Of Heaven
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/045.htm
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FUN PAGE
Time to throw some scrunched up paper into the
trash can...
if that's what keeps you from getting bored at
work.
Bored Meeting...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/boredmeeting.htm
The Angry Button...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/angrybutton.htm
Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm
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THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the
mirror,
complaining to my husband that my breasts are too
small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not
so, he
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
If you want your breasts to grow, then every day
take a
piece of toilet paper and rub it between your
breasts for a
few seconds."
Puzzled but willing to try anything, I fetch a
piece of
toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror,
rubbing it
between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I
ask.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," he
replies.
I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of
toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts
larger
over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your
arse,
didn't it?" He's still alive, and with a great
deal of
therapy, may even walk again Stupid, stupid man.
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Ever Fancied A Career In The Healthcare Industry?
There are 20 million jobs in many different
professions!
For more info or to let us help you find the right
school
for you click the link below.
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/offers/primary418.htm
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MISSING AN ERECTION
This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but
because of
a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex
change.
All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around
his bed as
he was waking up so they could give him the bad
news.
Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started
crying
when they explained what had happened to him.
"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able
to
experience an erection ever again!"
"Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed.
It'll just
have to be someone else's, that's all."
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