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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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How To Have The Best Sex Humanly Possible - By
Gary Halbert
If you are interested in having an absolutely
incredible
sex life, there is a new book (just published)
that has the
most exciting secrets you will ever read.
But, here's a warning: Before you request your
copy of the
book, you better know some of the secrets revealed
in it.
You see, the author of the book doesn't want to
embarrass
anyone... or... make them feel uncomfortable in
any way. So,
if your deep religious beliefs, your ultra
conservative
upbringing or, if you have "personal reasons"
against
having great sex... you probably should NOT read
this
book.
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/giftfunds
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INTRODUCTION:
Hello everyone, have a great weekend!
Big Smile
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/bigsmile.htm
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
What's the difference between a young prostitute
and an old
prostitute?
A young one uses Vaseline to get it in.
An old one uses PolyGrip to keep it in.
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CARTOON TIME:
Just Remember It Could Happen To You
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/040.htm
Inflatable Valentine
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/041.htm
Getting Used To The Outside
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/042.htm
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FUN PAGE
The I Love Egg Song...
http://www.humpingfrog.com/html/The-I-Love-Egg-Song.html
Pac Man
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/pacman.html
Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm
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Want to have fun and get a brand new,
state-of-the-art
Desktop Computer for free*?
Just click on the link below or copy it into your
web
browser bar to find out how! We’re looking for a
few good
people to test new products.
Click on the link below or copy it into your web
browser bar
to see if we’re recruiting in your area!
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/offers/primary410.htm
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WAR BETWEEN IRELAND AND FRANCE AVERTED
Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was
sitting in
his office wondering what kind of mischief he
could
perpetrate when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice
said. "This
is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo,
Ireland. I am
ringing to inform you that we are officially
declaring war
on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed
important
news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's
calculation,
there is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door
neighbor
Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub.
That makes
eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I
have one
hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on
my
command."
"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you
back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again.
"Mr. Chirac,
the war is still on. We have managed to get us
some
infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac
asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and
Murphy's farm
tractor."
Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy,
that I have
6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers.
Also, I've
increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand
since we
last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to
get back
to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr.
Chirac,
the war is still on!" We have managed to get
ourselves
airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's
ultra-light
with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys
from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared
his throat.
"I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers
and 200
fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded
by
laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we
last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred
thousand!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have
to ring
you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top
o' the
mornin', Mr.Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we
have had
to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the
sudden
change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat
over a bunch
of pints, and decided there's no foo-kin way we
can feed two
hundred thousand prisoners."
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Mole, Wart & Skin Tag Free In 3 Days
Do You Want To Have...
Freedom from the pain and irritation of your
unsightly moles,
warts or skin tags?
No more endless days of fighting a losing battle
with these
problems? To wake up and enjoy the rest of your
day knowing
your skin is clear and pain-free, and STAYS that
way?
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OLD SPINSTERS
There were two old-maid sisters... both virgins.
One Friday night Gladys looks at Betty and says,
"I'm not
going to die a virgin. I'm going out and I'm not
coming
home until I've been laid!"
Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so
I don't
worry about you."
10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of
Gladys...
11 o'clock...
12 o'clock...
Finally about 12:45, the front door flies open and
in runs
Gladys... heading straight for the bathroom.
Betty growing concerned, knocks on the door, “Are
you okay,
Gladys?"
No answer, so she opens the door and there sits
Gladys with
her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and
her head
stuck between her legs looking at herself.
"What is it, Gladys? What's wrong?" asks Betty.
"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in...
and 5
inches long when it came out. When I find the
other half
you're gonna have the time of your life!”
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<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
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Want to have fun and get a $500 Gift Card for
free*?
Just click on the link below or copy it into your
web
browser bar to find out how! We’re looking for a
few good
people to test new products.
Click on the link below or copy it into your web
browser bar
to see if we’re recruiting in your area!
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/offers/primary412.htm
<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
<><><><><><><><>
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