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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
I went to visit my old school today for the first
time in
eight years. Lots of the old (even older now)
teachers
are still there and they remembered me very
well...
based on the looks of horror on their faces and
the way
they turned round and started to run away. It's
strange
how they remember pupils as it's easier for
pupils...
you have have a maximium of around 50 teachers to
remember
from your school career where as teachers can have
up to
3000!
Take care and have a great day!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
The bride-to-be and her best friend were
discussing
her impending wedding.
"If you want an unforgettable wedding night," her
friend said, "get him to eat a dozen oysters after
the
ceremony."
A week after, the new bride thanked her friend but
said plaintively, "Only eight of the oysters
worked."
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CARTOON TIME:
Technology Advances But People Stay The Same
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/037.htm
Wedded Communication
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/038.htm
Dogs Doing IT
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/039.htm
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FUN PAGE
The Seven Wonders Of The World
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/7wonders.htm
Mission To Mars
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/mission/index.htm
How To Keep An Idiot Busy...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/idiot.htm
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ALL IN A NAME
A Licensed Counselor was conducting a group
therapy session
with four young mothers and their small
children...
"You all have obsessions," he observed. To the
first mother,
he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've
even named
your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is
with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name,
Penny."
He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is
alcohol. This
too manifests itself in your child's name,
Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes
her little
boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick,
we're leaving."
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CRUNCHY BIRD
"Hey, bartender," says a customer, sitting at the
bar. "What kind of
bird is that sitting on the perch?"
"Oh," says Bob the bartender, "that's a Crunchy
Bird!"
"I never heard of a Crunchy Bird," says the
patron.
"Just watch," says Bob. He takes a newspaper off
the bar and throws it
down on the floor, then he turns to the bird and
says, "Crunchy Bird, my
paper!" The bird swoops down and attacks the
newspaper. He rips it to
shreds until there's nothing left but tiny pieces
of confetti.
"Wow," says the customer, "can I try?"
"Be my guest," the bartender replies.
The customer takes off his shoe and puts it on the
bar and says,
"Crunchy Bird, my shoe!" The bird flies down off
the perch and picks the
shoe up with his beak. He slams the shoe down on
the bar and starts
attacking it. In no time, the shoe is reduced to
nothing but a few
pieces of leather and a shoelace. Then the bird
flies back to his perch
behind the bar.
Suddenly a tough looking guy walks into the bar.
He yells, "Gimme a
drink NOW!"
He looks around the bar snarling and yells at the
patrons, "What the
Hell are you clowns looking at?" The bar is
completely silent.
Then the bully notices the bird and says, "What
the Hell kind of stupid
looking bird is that?"
"That's a Crunchy Bird," says bartender Bob.
The tough guy laughs and yells, "Crunchy Bird, my
ass!"
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