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INTRODUCTION:
Well it's still nearly the start of another week
and I'm
looking forward to yet another great week...
although
nothing could surpass Joseph and The Amazing
Technicolour
Dreamcoat which we went to see last week.
I couldn't post last night because I was
entertaining my
Mum, Lizzie's Mum and her husband. Lizzie and I
have known
each other for eight years and have been together
for about
six or seven years but my Mum had never met or
even spoken
to her Mum before last night... all went well.
I was cooking. The menu was Turkey Roast (Thanks
to Bernard
Matthews), Grilled Chicken (Doing premium breast
fillets in
a George Foreman Grill with a bit of Season-All
really makes
good chicken), Yorkshire Puddings (Yeah, you don't
get them
in America... they're really nice), Sage & Onion
stuffing
(the stuffing was really firm and crispy on the
outside...
I never stuff a bird, stuffing balls are nicer),
Kilted
Sausages (I was surprised at just how well these
turned out
as the bacon stayed attached to the sausages yet
crisped up
really well and wasn't at all fatty or chewy),
normal
chipolata sausages, crispy roast potatoes (I do
all little
ones because most people want the little ones
anyway... so
no point in doing a mix), potato croquettes (if
you don't
know, they're mashed potato in a breadcrumb
shell), brussel
sprouts, carrot batons, cauliflower and brocholi
florets...
all drenched in about four gallons of thick rich
chicken
gravy... thanks to bisto chicken gravy granules...
ahhhhhh
Bisto, just a shame you don't get it in America.
OK, enough of that because I'm making myself
hungry. I'm
going to have Alphabites (french fries in the
shape of
letters of the alphabet), Southern Fried Chicken
Dippers
and Mini Kievs (Little Balls of chicken in
breadcrumbs which
have a garlic and cheese sauce in the middle) and
Onion
Rings... not on a plate tonight... finger food in
front of
the TV.
Hey, I might have a food obsession but I'm allowed
to as I'm
under doctors orders to gain weight having dropped
to 120
pounds... which the doctors don't think is good
considering
I'm not on a diet and I weighed 320 pounds a
couple years
ago.
Take Care!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
An e-mail computer virus swept across the globe
that
automatically opens pornographic websites on the
victim's
screen. Authorities intended to track down the
hackers
responsible for the virus just as soon as somebody
complains.
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CARTOON TIME:
Who Makes The Decisions?
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/016.htm
Man-Haters Favourite Toys
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/017.htm
Measuring Love
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200409/018.htm
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FUN PAGE
Are You A Flirt?
http://www.quizarama.com/cltr.php?id=10
Pampered Chef Party Invite
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/chefinvite.htm
Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm
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BLESSINGS FROM THE POPE
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it
with the Latin phrase,
"Tuti homini" - Blessed be mankind.
A women's rights group approached the pope the
next day. They noticed
that the pope had blessed all of mankind, but not
womankind. So the next
day, after his sermon, the pope concluded by
saying, "Tuti homini, et
tuti femini" - Blessed be mankind and womankind.
The next day, a gay-rights group approached the
pope. They said that
they noticed that he had blessed mankind and
womankind, and asked if he
could also bless those who are gay.
The pope said, "Sure."
The next day, the pope concluded his sermon with,
"Tuti homini, et tuti
femini, et tuti fruiti."
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WATER DEPARTMENT
RING!
Southeast Treatment Plant, this is Dave...
"Is this the water department?"
Yes Ma'am, for most of this area...
"Good. I have some very technical questions to ask
you about the water"
I'll try and help...
"Why are my nipples getting so hard?"
You're not really serious...
"I AM SO!! My nipples... they're hard and they
have this white coating
on them!"
Uhhhh, huh... hard, uhhh, nipples with white, uhh...
stuff...
"Not only that, they're getting warped!"
I see...
"They used to be soft, pink and round!"
I'm sure they were...
"Now they really look disgusting!"
I'm sure they do...
"So I want to know what you're going to do about
this!"
I really don't think I can help you. Have you
discussed this with your
personal physician?
"Yes I have! He said I should call you because he
thought it was from
the water!"
I see... uhhhh, just why and how does he think the
water is causing
this?
"He said cleaning them in boiling water sometimes
does that."
Sounds painful... can't you just sponge them off?
"Painful?! THE BABY BOTTLE NIPPLES ARE THE ONES
I'M TALKING ABOUT!"
Now I understand...
"Are you going to buy me new ones?"
Why would we do that?
"Because your water ruined these. My baby won't
suck them anymore. He's
been sick and I think it's from the white stuff...
he used to really
suck..."
May I ask how old your baby is?
"He's six, going on seven"
Six... and he refuses the bottle? Maybe he's
getting a little old for
the bottle...
"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD!"
I wasn't. How long have you been using these
nipples?
"Since he was born"
Hmmmmm. My guess is the white film is from the
calcium carbonate in the
water... kind of like bathtub ring of the
nipple... and they are hard
and warped because of being boiled and bitten for
six years...
"So! You are refusing to pay!"
Well, that's not for me to decide. I was only
trying to suggest they
might just be plain worn out.
"THEY WOULDN'T BE WORN OUT IF YOUR WATER WAS ANY
GOOD!"
There is really nothing more I can do for you...
"JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY MONEY?"
Well, why don't you just run down to our main
office. There you can file
an insurance claim...
"What good would that do? Will they give me the
money?"
They will investigate and make a judgement whether
to settle or not...
"Well, you sure haven't been any help! How do I
get them to pay more
attention than you have?"
Just show them your nipples!!
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