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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
We went out to meet a friend from lunch
yesterday... and
were disappointed. We went out with Lizzies folks
to a
restaurant last night... and were disappointed. It
seems
that sometimes you just can't buy that lovely home
cooked
taste. On Monday we're going to Lizzies Mums for
dinner and
hopefully she'll give us her home made chips
(fries) as
they just taste better than bought ones sometimes
for some
reason... especially in a sandwich when the butter
and the
fries melt into each other... even better is when
you pile
your entire dinner into sandwiches... so perhaps
you end
up with a sausage, french fry, onion ring and
baked bean
sandwich... the only thing in the world that can
top that
sandwich filling is a Stovie sandwich made to my
families
ancient Scottish recipe that's been passed down
from
generation to generation of our clan in the most
far
North-East town in Scotland... it's called
Peterhead and
is famous for two things. Firstly it's famous for
being
a great town where you get some of the best fresh
fish
in the world. The second thing it's (in)famous for
is
having a big old horrible prison that is home to
most
of the convicted sex offenders in this country.
That
gets me onto another point... a prisoner who was
in
jail because they had committed a crime actually
sued
the Government over his living conditions because
he
had to slop out... and he WON! What ever happened
to
not committing the crime if you don't want to do
the
time? Has the world gone mad or is it just me?
Madly,
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Bill was less than grateful when his urologist
recommended he give up sex completely, if he was
to beat a rare-but-lethal chronic fatigue
disease.
"Give up sex completely, doc?" he shouted. "I'm a
young buck. How can you expect me to just go cold
turkey?"
"So get married and taper off gradually," the
doctor prescribed.
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CARTOON TIME:
Making Rain
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200408/076.htm
Nipple-Dip Test
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200408/077.htm
Women Spoiling The Fun
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200408/078.htm
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FUN PAGE
Todays top fun page is by a guy who's really quite
a
talented designer of e-cards and animations...
check it out.
Funny Baby Dance...
http://www.ecardfunny.com/html/Dancing-Baby-Greeting-Card.html
Hogs And Kisses
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/weekend.htm
Contractor
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/contractor.htm
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BUTLER.....
A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening
ball. So they
advised their butler that they were giving him the
evening
off to do as he pleased since they would be out
until quite
late. The couple went to the ball and dinner.
After an hour and a half, the wife told her
husband that she
was horribly bored and that she preferred to go
home and
finish some work for the next day. The husband
responded
that he had to stay for a few more hours to meet
some very
important people who were his new business
partners.
So, the wife went home alone and found the butler
spread out
on the couch watching TV. She slowly moved towards
him and
sat down very seductively. She asked him to come
closer.
Then even closer. She moved forward and whispered
in his
ear:
"Take off my dress...."
"Now, take off my bra."
"Next, remove my shoes and stockings."
"Now, remove my garter belt and panties."
She then looked deep into his eyes and in a sharp
voice
shouted:
"The next time I catch you wearing my clothes,
you're
fired!"
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BITING HUMOR!
A couple who'd been married for over 50 years was
sitting on
the sofa.
The wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used
to sit
close to me?"
He moved over and sat close to her.
"Dear" she continued, "do you remember how you
used to hold
me tight?"
He reached over and held her tight.
"And," she went on, "do you remember how you used
to hug me
and kiss me and nibble on my ear?"
With that, her husband got up and started to walk
out of the
room. "Where are you going?" she asked.
"Well," answered the husband, " I have to go and
get my
teeth."
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