JokesUncut - 21 October 2004

 

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=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The Whole Clan
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How To Have The Best Sex Humanly Possible - By Gary Halbert

If you are interested in having an absolutely incredible
sex life, there is a new book (just published) that has the
most exciting secrets you will ever read.

But, here's a warning: Before you request your copy of the
book, you better know some of the secrets revealed in it.
You see, the author of the book doesn't want to embarrass
anyone... or... make them feel uncomfortable in any way. So,
if your deep religious beliefs, your ultra conservative
upbringing or, if you have "personal reasons" against
having great sex... you probably should NOT read this
book.

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/giftfunds

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INTRODUCTION:

Yesterday I ran the fun page entitled 'The Most Annoying
Page On The Internet' and I received a complaint from one
JOKOTO@aol.com  who said 'quit sending junk like "The most
annoying page on the internet" or unsubscribe me!'... it
makes you wonder just which part of 'The Most Annoying
Page On The Internet' he/she didn't quite understand. I'm
afraid it also adds to the already poor reputation that
my fellow AOLers have for poor cognitive abilities.

Here is that page again for those of you who haven't been
annoyed sufficiently. I don't think I need to post a
warning to say that it's annoying because the title alone
hints at it more than slightly.

The Most Annoying Page On The Internet...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/annoying.htm

Have a fantastic Thursday people!

Phil

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QUICK JOKE

"It was reported last week that a citizen's group is
trying to remove porn channels from hotels across the
country. The group is called the Coalition of People
Who Want to Ruin Everything." - Conan O'Brien

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CARTOON TIME:

Time Of The Month
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200408/073.htm

Gift For The Wife?
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200408/074.htm

Sign That's To The Point
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200408/075.htm

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FUN PAGE

The Best Pictures of 2003...
http://www.damnfunnypictures.com/html/Best-Pictures-of-2003.html

Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm

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Double The Speed Of Your PC

Discover some of the most amazing secrets to speed up and
optimize your PC that you will ever learn, you can do
everything in this report without spending a single cent on
hardware and I will show you exactly how in these two main
categories:

1) Hardware Optimization - e.g. CPU, modem, hard disk, CD
drive, memory etc...

(2) Software Optimization - e.g. Internet Explorer, Outlook,
Media Player, Office 2000 etc...

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/sanderson

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STATUTORY WARNING FROM POLICE

Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and un-suspecting
pub regulars to be more alert and cautious when getting a
drink offer from a girl.

There is a date rape drug going around called "beer" and it
is generally in liquid form. The drug is now being used by
female sexual predators at parties to convince their male
victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is
that "beer" is available virtually anywhere!

All girls have to do is persuade a guy to consume a few
units of "beer" and simply ask the guy home for no-strings
-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against
such attacks. After several "beers" men will often succumb
to desires to perform sex acts on horrific looking women
who they would never normally be attracted to.

Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy
memories of exactly what has happened to them the night
before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men might be stung for
their life's worth in a familiar scam know as "a
relationship" - apparently men are easier victims for this
scam after the "beer" has been administered and have
already been sexually attacked.

However, if you fall victim to this insidious drug and the
predatory women administering it, there are male support
groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the
details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank
manner with a bunch of similarly-affected like-minded guys.
For the nearest support group near you just look up 'Public
House' in the yellow pages.

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If you want to learn Photoshop fast and you want to do it
without reading boring books or going to expensive classes
then this might be the most important letter you read all
year.

Here's what this is all about:

Now you can learn Photoshop in less than 2 hours thanks to
newly released, interactive video tutorials that play on
your computer screen. You don't even need to own the
Photoshop software to use these videos. Everything you
need to learn Photoshop is included.

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/jgardeners

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GOOD ENOUGH

Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks
her away to his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a
romantic 'nature honeymoon'...He carries her across the
threshold, and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers
in his ear "Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain never been with a
man b'fore."

"WHAT???" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little
bride softly shakes her head...Billy-Joe jumps out of bed,
grabs his clothes, and races out the door, into his truck...
down the mountain.... straight to his parents house...
rushes inside screaming "Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!" ....
His father rushes downstairs and gasps... "Billy-Joe,
what'r you doin here?

"Billy-Joe, still breathing hard
from his mad flight, gasps "Well, Betty-Sue an I was in
the cabin, and she toll' me she ain't never been with a
man' afore.... so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back
here... quick as I could! "His father grasps Billy-Joe's
shoulder in reassurance, and says "SON, Ya done the right
thing.... Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her family, she
shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!!"

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HERBAL SMOKE SHOP

100% Legal Buds
Mood Enhancement Capsules
Smoking Supplies & Accessories
Chronic Candy And More!

Huge Product Range!

http://www.greatworldmedia.com/offers/herbalsmokes.htm

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