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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
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It's time to be BLOODY FUNNY! - Ideal for
Halloween!
Wounded Finger
Fake Blood
Fake Skin
Bloody Razor Blade
Fake Arm
Nail Thru Finger
Bloody Soap
Bloody Mouth Capsules
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/gagsplus15.htm
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INTRODUCTION:
Pets are a great thing to have. Lizzie is really
into her
pets. In her time she's had 27 rats, 7 gerbils, 2
budgies,
2 cockatiels, 2 guinea pigs, 2 hamsters, 1 dog and
some
stick insects. Of that lot she still has the
cockatiels.
They can live a long time and they're still very
young and
very loud.
Personally I'm a dog person but some people really
do love
cats. In all fairness I've grown up in a home with
a cat so
I do know what they're like and everything that
people say
is true about them is true... I like the loyalty
of a dog.
I don't need something that's selfish and ignores
your every
request and has no loyalty... if I wanted that I'd
get a
wife not a pet.
For all you cat lovers here's some 'Caticans' a
bit like
our Emoticans we use on the net but with cat
expressions!
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/caticans.htm
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QUICK JOKE
At the Checkout counter of the discount department
store where I was a cashier, customers frequently
asked me under what circumstances items were
returnable. One woman who came through my line
must
have been aware of store policy. She pointed to
the
lacy red-and-black negligee she was about to
purchase.
"May I bring this back if it doesn't work?" she
asked.
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CARTOON TIME:
Foreplay
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200408/028.htm
Vice President Greetings
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200408/029.htm
Can't Hide Your Feelings
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200408/030.htm
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FUN PAGE
Stress Reduction Kit
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/stress.htm
Pass It On Test
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/pass.htm
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If you are a smoker and are 21 or older, Click
here to enter
to win a Flat Screen TV and 2 Massage Chairs worth
$5000!
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A TRIP TO THE ZOO
It's a beautiful, warm summer morning and a man
and his wife are spending the
day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute,
loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal
jeans and a T-shirt.
The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they
walk through the ape exhibit,
the ape sees the beautiful lady and the gorilla
goes crazy. He jumps up on
the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2
feet), he grunts and pounds his
chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited
at the pretty lady in the
wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement,
thinks this is funny. He
suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow some
more. The husband suggests
she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and
play along. Giggling, she
does so, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited,
making noises that would
surely wake the dead. Then the husband suggests
that she let one of her
straps fall just a little to show a bit more skin
She does, and Mr. Gorilla
goes absolutely ballistic and nearly tears the
bars down. "Now try lifting
your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at
him" the husband says....
grunting hysterically.
The gorilla has been driven to the point of sheer
madness and now he's doing
flips. Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair,
rips open the door to the
cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the
cage door shut.
"Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
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Save $2 on Science DietŪ Advanced Protection and
increase your pet's vitality and alertness in just
two weeks!
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THE NEW PRIEST
The new priest was so nervous at his first mass,
he could hardly speak.
Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he
asked the Monsignor how he
could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it
may help if you put some
vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips
everything should go smoothly."
The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion
into practice and was able
to talk up a storm. He felt great! However, upon
returning to the rectory he
found a note from the Monsignor:
Dear Father,
1. Next time sip rather than gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. We do not refer to the Cross as the "Big T''.
5. The recommended grace before meals is not
"Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the
grub. Yeah God!''
6. We do not refer our Savior, Jesus Christ and
his Apostles as "J.C. and the
Boys''.
7. David slew Goliath, he did not "Kick the shit
out of him''.
8. Moses parted the water at the Red Sea, he
didn't pass water.
9. We don't refer to Judas as "El Finko''.
10. The Pope is consecrated not castrated, and we
don't refer to him as "The
Godfather''.
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper
he said, "Take this and eat
it, for it is my body,'' he did not say, "Eat
me.''
12. David was hit by a rock and knocked off his
donkey, he wasn't "stoned off
his ass''.
13. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are never
referred to as "Big Daddy,
Junior, and the Spook.''
14. It is always the Virgin Mary, never "Mary with
the Cherry''.
15. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will
be a Taffy-Pulling contest
at St. Peter's, not a Peter-Pulling contest at St.
Taffy's.
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