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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
I hope all of you had an absolutely fanstastic
weekend
today. I went and spent the afternoon at my old
school
today. All the pupils I knew were pretty much gone
but
many members of staff were still the same and it's
nice
to see them again.
One male teacher said "You've lost weight" I said
"You've lost hair".
One female member of staff said "How old are you
now
then?. I replied "I'm 23, how old are you now
then?".
For the record she's 52 and proud of it :-) Not
that
she looks a day over 40.
One elderly teacher told me she was looking
forward to
retirement. I charmed her by telling her that
surely
she shouldn't be planning for something that must
be
at least 20 or 30 years away.
I could talk about school all day... I loved
school. The
classes got in the way a bit... but aside from
that it was
fine.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
The husband was furious when he found out the
checking
account was empty. When he confronted his wife,
she simply
said, "It's my turn."
"What do you mean, your turn?" yelled the husband.
"In bed," she explained, "you've been making early
withdrawals for years. Now, it's my turn."
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CARTOON TIME:
Making Men Wait
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/088.htm
Where Brillo Pads Come From
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/089.htm
Good Place To Go
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/090.htm
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FUN PAGE
Another game a bit early for Christmas. This one
is a bit
tricky to get the hang of.
Ski Jump...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/skijump/index.htm
Mouse Test
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/mousetesta.htm
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FAITHFUL
Wanting to find out if both his wife and his
mistress were
being faithful to him, Gary decided to send them
on the
same cruise and question each one later about the
other's
behavior.
When his wife returned, he asked her about people
on the
trip, casually inquiring about the passenger who
was his
mistress when she mentioned the woman.
"Oh, that woman slept with nearly every man on the
ship!"
his wife reported.
Unhappy with this information, Gary planned a
rendezvous
with his cheating mistress and decided to question
her
about the trip before confronting her with what he
knew.
Once again, he carefully inquired about the woman
who was
his wife after ascertaining that they had met.
"She was a real lady," his mistress said.
Gary's spirits picked up. "Why do you say that?"
he asked.
"She came on board with her husband and never left
his
Sside."
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TEST
Instructions: For each answer, you will have three
clues.
Try to determine what the object or thing is that
is being
described. For every correct answer, give yourself
two
points, for every incorrect answer deduct two
points.
Answer below the next ad. If you score over 21
points, you
are classed as having a great sex experience. If
you score
between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need
of more
love. If you score less than 14 points and are
female...
send address and photos!
You may begin ... now!
CLUES
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
When I'm
not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
2. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets
me off.
People sometimes lick my nuts.
3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang
from me.
I'm called a big swinger.
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't
maiden for
long. A big hard thing ripped me open.
5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down
to get
me up. I get wet before you do.
6. When I go in, I can produce pain. I cause you
to spit,
and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole.
7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when
you're
bored. The best man always has me first.
8. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge
loads from
my shaft. Both men and women go down on me.
9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You like to blow
me.
10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to
stuff your
box. When I come, it's news.
11. I offer protection. I get the finger ten
times. You
use your fingers to get me off.
12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I
come with
a quiver.
13. My business is done in briefs. I am a cunning
linguist. I plead and plead for it.
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ANSWERS
1. Nose
2. Peanut Butter
3. A Crane
4. The Titanic
5. A Tent
6. A Dentist
7. A Wedding Ring
8. An Elevator
9. Chewing Gum
10. News Paper Boy
11. A Glove
12. An Arrow
13. An Attorney
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