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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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INTRODUCTION:
It's so late today that I very nearly didn't post
but though
maybe you'd miss me. So let's not waste any more
time. I vow
to be earlier tomorrow!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Prostitute to man: "Hi, want to have sex?"
Man to prostitute: "Ok. Only if you do it like my
wife
does."
Prostitute: "I can do it in any way. So how does
she
do it?"
Man: "She does it for free."
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CARTOON TIME:
My Kind Of Nursing
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/073.htm
Honesty Isn't Always The Best Policy
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/074.htm
As Far As It Goes
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/075.htm
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FUN PAGE
Bubble Trouble
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/bubbletrouble/index.htm
Bug On A Wire
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/bugonawire/index.htm
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BIG MOE WANTSA GET FUCKED
This big ole' trucker is driving through Dallas
one night
and decides to stop at this bar that a buddy of
his had told
him about. He parks his rig and goes inside. He
walks up to
the bartender says in this dumb-hick voice,"Big
Moe wantsa
get fucked."
The bartender looks at him and tells him it'll
cost him 10
bucks.
Big Moe drops a ten-dollar-bill on the bar.
The bartender tells him to go across the street to
the
hotel and knockon room 14 he'll get want he wants
there.
So Big Moe goes over to the hotel and knocks on
door
number 14. This HUGE James Earl Jones type voice
barrels
from inside, "What the HELL to you want?"
"Big Moe wantsa get fucked," our friend answers.
"Well," the voice replies. "Slip 20 dollars under
the door."
So Big Moe slips the cash under the door.
He's waitin for awhile and nothin happens. A few
minutes
later he decides to knock again.
The big voice asks again, "What the Hell do you
want?"
"Big Moe wantsa get fucked," he answers.
The man on the other side shouted through the
door, "What
Again!"
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FACTS ABOUT LIFE
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do
not walk
ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk
beside me
either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
broken fan
belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're
going to
steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time
to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you
aren't
getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be
replaced, you
can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember that you're unique. Just like
everyone
else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both
feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try
missing
a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk
a mile
in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them
you're a
mile away and you have their shoes
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is
not for
you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach
him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and
drink beer
all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that
person again,
it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to
remember
anything.
15. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the
windshield.
16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first
time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a
lot of
that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to
fold it
in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light
side and
a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither
one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
when your
lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until
just after
you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get
slapped on
our ass. Then things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a
sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.
27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and
"mental
illness."
28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a
way to take
it too seriously.
29. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other
people to make a big deal about your
birthday...around age
11.
30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know
them.
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