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=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
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INTRODUCTION:
We've passed the half way mark in yet another
week. It's
getting dark earlier too.
Are any of you people musicians? What a lot of
costs are
involved in playing an instrument. First off you
have to
buy the thing. A decent Clavinova Electric Piano
costs
£3000/$6000 and you'll pay a similar amount for a
small
harp (or Clarsach as I'm told it's called)...
you'd pay
£20000/$40000 for a full size one from a decent
manufacturer. I bought Lizzie a harp around three
years
ago. She's got a nice one, I didn't know what to
think
when I found out that the strings on it are made
of
cow gut! Apparantly that produces the highest
quality
sound. Next she's wanting a Clavinova and once she
has
that it'll be music software for the PC. She keeps
saying names like 'Sonar, Cakewalk and Soundforge'
which really don't mean anything to me other than
my
wallet is going to feel lighter.
If that's not bad enough we went into a shop
called
Harvey Nicholls yesterday. I don't know what kind
of
people we look like but it was obvious the staff
were
watching us like Hawks. I picked up a pair of
gloves...
a pair of normal leather gloves and couldn't
believe
the price tag of £600/$1200!!! For that I'd want a
whole reclining three piece leather suite... and a
foot stool... not just a pair of gloves. The price
tags on the clothes were just completely out of
this
world. £1000/$2000 for a pair of jeans. My jeans
cost
me £10/$20 a pair and are stylish and comfortable
enough for me... some people are too vain or too
rich
for their own good.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Mary: I don't know why people are always
complaining
about their sex lives after they marry. Married
people can have terrific sex lives.
Jill: Really?
Mary: Of course! Just not necessarily with their
spouses!
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CARTOON TIME:
Not The Problem
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/064.htm
Sometimes It's Good To Follow Instructions
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/065.htm
Not Hanging Around
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/066.htm
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FUN PAGE
This is a micro machines type driving game, I'm
not sure
how difficult it is but the computer beat me. The
good news
is that it has a two player version so if you've
got
someone with you have a race against each other.
Rural Racer...
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/games/ruralracer/index.htm
This Is A Cracker!!!
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/cracker.htm
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SAVE IT
A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley
one day and
came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My
son, you
shouldn't be doing that", said the priest. "You
should be
saving that for when you get married."
The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and
simply said
"Yes, Father."
About 10 years later the priest was in his study
when a young
man, in his early twenties came in.
"Yes, my son?" said the priest.
"Father, you may not remember me, but about 10
years ago you
caught me masturbating in an alley, and I'll never
forget the
advice you gave then."
"And what was that, my son?"
"Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong
and I
should be saving it for when I get married", said
the young
man.
"That sounds like something I probably would have
said" said
the priest.
"Did you take my advice?"
"Yes I did, Father; but there's only one problem."
"What's that, my son?"
"Well, I have a 55 gallon drum of the stuff in the
back of my
pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what
am I supposed
to do with it?"
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GROWING OLD
1. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop
lying
about your age and start bragging about it.
2. Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old.
Squash
their toes with your rocker.
3. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth
waiting
in line for.
4. Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me. I
want people to know why I look this way. I've
traveled a
long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
5. Maturity means being emotionally and mentally
healthy.
It is that time when you know when to say yes and
when to
say no, and when to say WHOOPEE!
6. How old would you be if you didn't know how old
you are?
7. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go
back to
youth, think of Algebra.
8. You know you are getting old when everything
either
dries up or leaks.
9. I don't know how I got over the hill without
getting to
the top.
10. The golden years are really just metallic
years, gold
in the tooth, silver in your hair, and lead in the
rear.
11. Life would be infinitely happier if we could
only be
born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.
12. One of the many things no one tells you about
aging is
that it is such a nice change from being young.
One must
wait until evening to see how splendid the day has
been.
13. Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It is
more
often a succession of jerks.
14. Yeah, being young is beautiful, but being old
is
comfortable.
15. Old age is when former classmates are so gray
and
wrinkled, and blind they don't recognize you.
16. If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you
won't
have anything to laugh at when you are old.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
17. First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you
forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to
pull your
zipper down.
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