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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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INTRODUCTION:
I woke up really early this morning and couldn't
get back
to sleep despite being really tired, it's always a
terrible
waste of a long lie when that happens.
After church we had lunch over at some friends
house. At the
moment I'm watching a film called 'The Swarm' it's
a horrible
film with a terrible plot, terrible acting and
terrible
effects... on the plus side it has bees. I'm
looking forward
to '100 Greatest Television Adverts' which is on
tonight.
I know more TV advert jingles than I know pop
songs.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed
away,
Jenny rushed to her grandmother's side. When she
asked
the particulars of her grandfather's death, her
grandmother explained, "He had a heart attack
during
sex on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Jenny suggested sex at age 94 was
surely asking
for trouble. "Oh, no," her grandmother replied,
"We had
sex every Sunday morning, in time with the church
bells
- in with the dings and out with the dongs."
She paused and wiped away a tear. "If it hadn't
been for
that ice cream truck going past, he'd still be
alive."
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CARTOON TIME:
The Male Brain
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/055.htm
The Crotch Master 6000
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/056.htm
Not Mouth To Mouth
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/057.htm
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FUN PAGE
I found this game to by a lot more fun that it
first
appeared and would recommend a shot on it...
another game
which is easy to play and difficult to master.
Rigelian Hot Shots...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/rigelianhotshots/index.htm
Random Fun Page...
http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=210
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Get Free Cursors
Tons of amazing cursors and mouse pointers! Free
Download!
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DIGGING HIS WAY OUT
An old man and woman were married for many years,
even
though they hated each other. When they had a
confrontation, screaming and yelling could be
heard
deep into the night. The old man would shout,
"When I
die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and
come back and haunt you for the rest of your
life!"
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced
black
magic because of the many strange occurrences that
took place in their neighborhood. The old man
liked
the fact that he was feared.
To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack
when
he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the
wake.
After the burial, she went straight to the local
bar
and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked,
"Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to
dig
his way up and out of the grave and come back to
haunt
you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old
bastard dig. I had him buried upside down......."
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Take Home a Part of Olympic History!
For a limited time you can get the Official 2004
Athens
Olympic Coin.
These coins will only be available during the
Olympics, so
don't wait until it's too late!
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IF GOD WAS A WOMAN (AND PROOF THAT HE'S NOT)
1. Sex would smell like chocolate
2. Farts would smell like roses
3. Dogs would smell spring fresh
4. Babies would come from vending machines
5. Men would be born with a permanent erection
6. All women would have the same size breasts
7. There would be no cellulite
8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE
9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch
10. There would be no "Hooters"
11. A man's paycheck would be made payable to his
wife
12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a
5-8
day vacation in Hawaii!
13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle
14. Men would come with software to be custom
designed
15. Men would come equipped with homing device for
quick location by wife
16. Men would have a built in lie detector on
forehead
for instant verification of truth
17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the
difference between six inches and three inches
18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds
19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the
fanny
and a kiss on the cheek
20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.
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