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INTRODUCTION:
OK, as promised I'll fill you in on my last few
days.
Lizzie had her birthday on Wednesday and we booked
four
comedy shows at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I'd
recommend
this festival to absolutely everyone as it's a
complete hoot
so long as you don't mind huge crowds of people
who are only
interested in getting themselves where they want
to go even
if it involves cutting you off and stepping on
your feet and
not saying sorry or holding doors open etc.
A big problem was that I was shattered that day,
had a bout
of pancreatitis, was exhausted, felt sick all day,
was in
pain and also couldn't stay too far away from the
toilet...
I'm sure that's detail you just love to have. On
top of that
I had a terrible migraine but I was absolutely
determined to
make it through the day because I didn't want to
spoil
Lizzie's day.
First we went to a show called 'Best Of Edinburgh
Comedy'.
The show wasn't bad but given the fact there are
some very
famous comedians off the TV here at the moment you
would
expect 'The Best' but that wasn't the case...
although I
certainly wouldn't berate the comedians as they
did their
best and got a few good chuckles from the
audience. Another
show is called 'pick of the best', doesn't 'the
best' mean
that they've already picked the best? That's like
the
Japanese who call shows 'Super Happy Laughing Fun'
show...
always a slight exaggeration.
After that show we went home and I went to bed for
a while
which is completely out of character for me
because I don't
believe in sleeping during that day as that can
cause
disturbed sleep at night. I got up when Lizzies
Mum came
round with her presents... it's polite to show
your face
afterall. Her Mum used to absolutely hate me...
and I mean
hate, not your normal mild dislike... but hate to
the
point that she'd have done anything to see me off
the face
of the Earth. Now that she knows me and knows how
well I
take care of her daughter she really likes me
though. She
spends plenty of time telling Lizzie she has to
treat me
better :-)
Later on we went to see 'Best Of Irish', more
comedians
followed by 'Dana O'Brien' who was ok but had a
soar throat
and after doing shows every night for the past
month was a
bit fed up I think. The last show we went to was
'Jason
Byrne' who is an absolute madman and was
hilarious. We went
to see him last year as well and Lizzie managed to
draw
attention to herself (well... we do sit in the
front row)
and the same thing happened this year too. Of
course I was
really trying not to laugh because I didn't want
to risk
hurting myself, making myself sick... or (I would
die if
this ever happened) making a 'mess' of myself.
On that happy note I'll leave the intro at that
for today.
Take care, have a great day... I'll see those of
you who
read this at home tomorrow and the rest of you
when you're
back at work on Monday. For those of you who read
this at
work... don't you DARE delete the weekend issues
just
because the weekend is finished and done with.
I'll be
very annoyed if you do... and I'll come and haunt
you.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
The long term implications of drugs/procedures
must be fully
considered.
Over the past few years, more money has been spent
on breast
implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's
disease
research.
It is believed that by the year 2030 there will be
a large
number of people wandering around with huge
breasts and
erections who can't remember what to do with them.
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Sex Shop Stick Up
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FUN PAGE
How To Keep An Idiot Busy...
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The Lie Detector Test...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/lie.htm
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IT PAYS TO BE KIND
A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to
gamble.
He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing
left but a
quarter and the second half of his round-trip
ticket.
If he could just get to the airport he could get
himself
home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where
there was a
cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation
to the
cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from
home, he
offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers
license
number, his address, all to no avail.
The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen
dollars, get
the hell out of my cab!"
So the businessman was forced to hitch- hike to
the
airport and was barely in time to catch his
flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long
and
hard to regain his financial success, returned to
Vegas
and this time he won big.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to
the
front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the
airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a
long
line of cabs but his old buddy who had refused to
give
him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he
could
make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he
hit on a
plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line,
"How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me oral sex on the
way?"
"What? Get the hell out of my cab!"
The businessman got into the back of each cab in
the
long line and asked the same questions,
with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the
line,
he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the
airport?"
The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The
businessman said
"OK," and off they went.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of
cabs the
businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to
each
driver.
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GIFT OF A RADIO
This letter was sent to the principal's office
after the
school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
An old lady received a new radio at the luncheon
as a door
prize, and was writing to say thank you.
This story is a credit to all human kind.
Dear Safety Harbor Middle School,
God blesses you for the beautiful radio I won at
your
recent senior citizens luncheon.
I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor
Assisted
Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed
away. I am
all alone now and it's nice to know that someone
is
thinking of me.
God bless you, for your kindness to an old
forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio,
but before
I received one, she would never let me listen to
hers,
even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the night stand
and broke
into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in
tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said
fuck you.
Life is good.
Sincerely, Edna
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