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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
No intro today - I'm still on holiday!
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QUICK JOKE
A young guy was complaining to his Boss about the
problems
he was having with his stubborn girlfriend. "She
gets me
so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man
exclaimed."
"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my
wife"
replied the Boss. "Whenever she got out of hand
I'd take her
pants down and spank her".
Shaking his head the young guy replied "I've tried
that...
it doesn't work for me. Once I get her pants down
I'm not
mad anymore.".
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CARTOON TIME:
Bridge Club
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/019.htm
Anything But
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/020.htm
Not An Eye Doctor
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/021.htm
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FUN PAGE
This is a game where you have to park cars in a
mall car
park and then collect them for shoppers when they
leave.
Obviously, being a male, I found this game easy.
Females
will probably find it very tricky to master.
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/park2/index.htm
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ANIMAL COMPLAINTS
It seems that God received a delegation of animals
complaining of their lot in life. There was an
elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.
The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK
YOU
have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me
look
like a fool!"
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick
up
food, drink water, etc. without getting wet!"
Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS
LONG
NECK! It makes metop heavy, I get terrible neck
pains,
and people laugh at me!"
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick
the
best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and
allows you to see a distance."
The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain,
but
either let me have a bigger ass or smaller eggs."
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LIVE LONGER
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would
like to live very long. What should I do?"
"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor
replies.
"Let's see, do you smoke?"
"Oh.. Half a pack a day."
"Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees.
The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"
"Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with
my
meals, and a beer or two every once in a while."
"Starting now, you drink only water. No
exceptions."
The man is a bit upset, but also agrees.
The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"
"Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."
"Starting now you are going on a very strict diet.
You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no
dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."
The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this
really necessary?"
"Do you want to live long?"
"Yes."
"Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't
even think of breaking the diet." The man is
quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do
you have sex?"
"Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!"
he adds hurriedly.
"As soon as you get out of here you are going to
buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None."
The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm
going to live longer this way?"
"I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure
you is going to seem like an eternity!"
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