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=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
No intro today - I'm still on holiday!
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QUICK JOKE
Have you heard about the latest wonder drug?
When administered to women, it gives them the
irresistible
urge to join a convent. The FDA refuses to approve
it,
though. They fear it will be habit-forming.
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CARTOON TIME:
The Consequences Of Anal Sex
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Bite Me
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Booby Traps
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FUN PAGE
Collect all the bombs to stop the chocolate
facotry from
being blown up but avoid the enemy! Quite an easy
game to
play but a very difficult game to master.
Panik...
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COMING HOME
After the end of the Finnish war, a young female
reporter
from a British newspaper was sent to Finland to
write an
article about the soldiers homecoming. She had
interviewed
half a dozen, when she met Pekka on the street.
"Excuse me," she said, "were you in the war?"
"Yah, I was in the infantry."
"Would you mind answering a few questions for a
newspaper
article?"
"Nej, I wouldn't mind at all."
"When you came home, when the war was over, what
was the
first thing you did?"
"I fucked my wife," Pekka said bluntly.
The journalist went crimson, and tried desperately
to
change the subject.
"After that, I mean. What did you do after that?"
"I fucked her again," he answered.
The journalist turned an even darker shade of red.
"Other
than that! Uh - what did you do when you were
finished with
all that?"
"Then I took off my skis, my heavy backpack and
ate."
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THINGS OVERHEAD AT THE STD CLINIC
The quotes below are complaints reported by
clients of Room
111, a public health clinic in St. Paul that
treats people
for sexually transmitted diseases. Nurses at the
clinic
began creating the list two decades ago; it now
includes
several hundred comments.
"I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to
LSD. When
I ejaculate I have flashbacks."
"My hair is falling out and the sun hurts my
crotch."
"I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a
closet
later on and my face stunk and my dick hurt."
"My last period looked like meat."
"My balls feel soft and mushy."
"I be messin' with these nasty women from
Minnesota and
hey don't tell you they got something unless they
mad at
you."
"How am I supposed to do lap dances smelling like
a dead
fish?"
"I got the dripper."
"I have food chunks in my urine."
"Had sex with my daughter's fiancé and then
douched with
Lysol--feelin' a little raw down there."
"Scabs on my butt and I'm losing my mind."
"I'm releasing semen when I take a crap."
"I was poked in the rectum with the infected
finger of a
70-year-old homosexual man."
"I live at the VA and my roommate has his
girlfriend from
Minneapolis over. They throw ticks at me that bite
my neck
and when I pop the sores, they smell like vagina
juice."
"Can't you put the swab in further?"
"I had sex with my baby's momma, sex with my other
baby's
momma and my other new baby's momma has disease."
"Last time I had sex I passed something that
looked like
Cream of Wheat before it's cooked."
"My cervix hurts when I jiggle."
"The seam in my circumcision split open."
"I be messin' with my ex-wife and my girlfriend
and I don't
trust either of them."
"My whole body smells like a menstruating woman,
especially
my armpits."
"From the looks of my penis, I believe they are
sucking the
adrenaline out of me."
"I think they hypnotized me and put implants and
poltergeists
in my brain and had sex with me."
"I think my boyfriend knows what's going on. He's
been
calling me a 'chlamydiahoris.'"
"My pee smells like ham."
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