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=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
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Boob Squeeze Balls
You've seen all kinds of squeezable "stress
relief"
things.. from Martians whose eyes pop out to what
appears to be a jelly roll, but you've never seen
a
stress relief toy like this one! Hell, buy two and
stuff your bra! They look pretty fake and feel
like
silicon implants, but what better way to relieve
stress than squeezing some tit?
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/gagsplus24.htm
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INTRODUCTION:
Yesterday Lizzie left a receipt lying around which
we
needed as it had the code required to top up her
cell phone
with the £35 (around $70) worth of credit we'd
purchased for
it. The home help came in and cleaned up the house
put the
rubbish in the indoors bin and emptied that bin
into the
large outside bin that's used for the whole
apartment block.
It doesn't take much imagination to guess where
the receipt
and code ended up! Well, being Scottish I wasn't
going to
just write off that amount of money. I was all for
throwing
Lizzie into the large bin to root around for it
with dirty
nappies and week-old takeaway meals up to the neck
etc as
these things are the size of skips and they stink!
Fortunately I was able to recognise my black
rubbish bag
as it had yellow drawstrings... also LUCKILY I was
able to
reach it without climbing in. Also luckily the
receipt was
in a bag that didn't have anything yucky in it so
it was
retrieved.
Hopefully it's a lesson earned for Lizzie. I
didn't stop
repeating the words '35 quid' to Lizzie until it
was
retrieved and even afterwards I wouldn't shut up
about
the value of money for about an hour. If it was up
to her
she would have just had me buy another one! WOMEN!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Three men were trying to guess the professions of
their
respective dates of the previous evening, judging
by their
bedroom performance and conversation.
The first insisted that his date had been a nurse,
because
she said, "Lie back and relax. This won't hurt a
bit."
The second concluded that his must have been a
schoolteacher, because she had said, "Do it over
and over
until you get it right."
The third figured that his date must have been a
stewardess,
because all she had said was, "Put this over your
mouth and
nose and continue to breathe normally."
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CARTOON TIME:
How Flowers Grow...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/073.htm
What Does A Lonely Cat Need?...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/074.htm
Kite Competition...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/075.htm
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FUN PAGE
A special fun page that men will really ENJOY,
women send
this to any males you know!
Male Hypnotic Tool...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/mht.htm
Also take a look at...
The Lie Detector Test...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/lie.htm
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PISSED OFF AND PISSED ON
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man
leaned
over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed
off!"
"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender
politely.
"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me
back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into
bed and we
were just about to make love when her god damned
husband
came in the front door. So I had to jump out of
the bedroom
window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"
"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me
aggravated," the
customer went on. "When her husband came into the
room he
said, 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me
just take a
leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a bitch
didn't piss
out the window right onto my head."
"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder
you're in
a lousy mood."
"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really
got to me."
"Next, I had to listen to them grunting and
groaning and
when they finished, the husband tossed his condom
out of the
window. And where does it land? My damned
forehead!"
"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.
"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me
off was
when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out
that their
toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the
window and
let loose right on my head!"
The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my
day."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do
you know
what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I
looked
down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off
the
ground!"
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DEAD JACKASS
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine
spring day
in his new Washington, DC parish. He walked to the
window of
his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful
day
outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying
dead in
the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called John Kerry's office for
assistance.
The conversation went like this.
Since Mr. Kerry’s secretary was away from her desk
he
decided to answer the phone himself. "Good
morning. This
is Senator Kerry. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is
Father
O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass a
lying dead
in me front lawn and I thought ye might like to be
knowing of it. Since ye are running for election
for
president of this great country I had the idea
that it
would be a good idea for ye to show how civic
minded ye
are. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'
yer lads
to take care of the matter?"
Senator Kerry, considering himself to be quite a
wit,
replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was
always my
impression that you people took care of last
rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long
moment. Fathe
O'Malley then replied, "Aye, that's certainly
true, but we
are also obliged to notify the next of kin."
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