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=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
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INTRODUCTION:
We had friends round last night until well after
4am even
although we were due up early this morning. Graeme
was
meant to bring a game round for me and as he's
forgetful
I reminded him just before he left his house. When
he
arrived I asked him for the game and his face fell
as he
realised he'd forgotten it. Wanting the game I
suggested we
get a taxi to his house and collect the game...
which we then
did. I made sure Graeme collected the game and put
it in his
bag for bringing back to mine. We then got another
taxi to
the train station to meet Johnny. After that we
got a taxi
from the train station back to mine. I told Graeme
to get
the game out of the bag but the game wasn't in the
bag. We
then got a taxi back to his house to see if it had
fallen
out of the bag at his house... which it hadn't.
So, we
phoned the taxi company to see if it had fallen
out in
Taxi #2 (#3 for Graeme as he'd got a taxi to mine
in the
first place) the taxi company said the driver had
found it
and that he was in the area... so we got the game
off of
him and got him to drive us back to my house... so
much of
the evening was already gone by that time anyway.
Eventually
they got a taxi home after 4am... that made 7
taxis in
total for Graeme, I'm pretty sure that we keep the
taxi
companies in business... he blames his Gabapentin
for his
forgetfulness... I take Gabapentin and Codeine
Phosphate
and lots of other things and I never forget
anything...
Let's hope I remember to send this tonight!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull
before.
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CARTOON TIME:
So... Who's Richard?...
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Hey Darling, I Have A Message For You...
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For All Guys Who Don't Shut It...
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FUN PAGE
Gyroball...
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HAIRY EARS
A lady found out her dog could hardly hear, so she
took it
to the veterinarian.
He found that the problem was hair in its ears, so
he
cleaned both ears, and the dog could hear fine.
The vet
then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted
to keep
this from reoccurring, she should go to the store
and get
some "Nair" hair remover, and rub it in its ears
once a
month.
The lady goes to the drugstore and gets some
"Nair."
At the register, the druggist tells her: "If
you're going
to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant
for a few
days."
The lady says, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The druggist says, "If you're using it on your
legs, don't
shave for couple of days."
The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs
either; if you
must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for a
week."
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PROOF THAT THE WORLD IS NUTS!!
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex
with
animals, but the animals must be female. Having
sexual
relations with a male animal is punishable by
death. (Like
THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a
woman's
genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly
at them
during the examination. He may only see their
reflection
in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~**~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of
a
corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex
organs
of the deceased must be covered with a brick or
piece of
wood at all times.
(A brick??)
*~*~**~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is
decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")
*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to
travel
the countryand deflower young virgins, who pay
them for
the privilege of having sex for the first time...
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden
for
virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job
anywhere else in the world that even comes close
to
this?)
*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed
to
kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so
with
her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on
the
other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England
-
but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)
*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with
her husband, and the first time this happens, her
mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to
have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same
time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they
had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from
vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics
may be dispensed from a vending machine only" in
places where alcoholic beverages are sold for
consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Well... not
as great as Guam!)
*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories
an hour. (Who volunteers for this stuff?)
*~*~*~*
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have
sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always
smiling?)
*~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull
30 times its own weight and always falls over on
its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking
little bottles of.?) (Did the government pay for
this research??)
*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people
like
that, too.)
*~*~*~*
And, the best for last...
Turtles can breathe through their butts. (And you
think that
I have bad breath!)
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