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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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It's time to be BLOODY FUNNY!
Wounded Finger
Fake Blood
Fake Skin
Bloody Razor Blade
Fake Arm
Nail Thru Finger
Bloody Soap
Bloody Mouth Capsules
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/gagsplus15.htm
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INTRODUCTION:
OK, I'm calling on you for help. Yesterday Lizzie,
my mother
and I decided it would be a good time to book a
Christmas
break. I'm sick of having dull uneventful
Christmases just
with family where you all fall out with each other
and
aside from that the day is uneventful. Plus, this
year is
my Mums first Christmas on her own so it'd be nice
to get
away. The problem is that everywhere I phoned
where I'd be
interested in staying was fully booked up and had
huge
waiting lists for reserves. My requirements are
that they
can accomodate the three of us (anywhere in the
UK) for
probably four to seven nights. None of us drink
alcohol
so lots of 'complimentary' drinks aren't
appreciated. We
are quite fussy eaters... although in my case this
is
easily satisfied by a good childrens menu.
I don't like 'fancy' food but my ideal Christmas
dinner
would have to be:
Turkey, Roast Potatoes, Potato Croquettes,
Chipolata
Sausages, Yorkshire Puddings, sage & Onion
Stuffing,
Carrots and lots of gravy... mmmmmm... I've made
myself
drool again. My favourite part is the sage & onion
stuffing,
I could eat a plate of that alone. I'm looking
forward to
tomorrow as we're having friends over for a roast
which
pretty much includes these ingredients. I don't
mind the
cooking but due to my peripheral neuropathy I find
doing
the dishes impossible... so I hope, for Lizzies
sake, that
they volunteer to help! ::hint hint:: I know you
read
this guys!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper
sticker
that said "Honk if you love Jesus."
So I honked. The driver leaned out his window,
flipped me the
bird, and yelled, "Can't you see the light is
still red, you
fucking moron?"
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CARTOON TIME:
Taking Out The Trash...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/046.htm
A Little Bit Of Fresh Air...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/047.htm
How To Get What You Want...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/048.htm
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FUN PAGE
Catch all the bombs by moving your mouse around!
This little
game is fun and addictive... easy to play...
difficult to
master!
Kaboom!...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/kaboom.htm
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Special Diabetic Shoes
Anti-Bacterial, Anti-Fungal. Life Style Shoes
Custom made. 3 free inserts. Guaranteed.
Just $49.99.
http://www.feet-smart.com/?LL
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ARMLESS
A man lost both of his arms in a car accident.
When he recovered in the hospital, he found that
he was
useless and decided to commit suicide by jumping
out of a
10th-story window.
As he looked down from the window, he saw a man
with no
arms just like him dancing wildly and happily on
the street.
He decided to find out what made this man so
happy.
Arriving on the street, he asked, "Hey, brother,
stop
dancing for a minute and tell what your secret is
that you
are so happy."
The dancing man responded, "What do you mean,
happy? Hell
no! I feel itchy like hell in my ass, but I can't
reach it."
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DO YOUR OWN DETECTIVE WORK FOR FREE,
Save the $150/day plus expenses
Get NetDetecive NOW to find out practially
anything about
anyone!
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/offers/netdet.htm
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PLAYING AROUND
This man got stranded on an island in the middle
of the ocean.
For eleven years, he was stuck there until, one
day, he saw a
liferaft in the lagoon. He watched with excitement
as a very
attractive young woman got out of the raft and
waded to the
shore, her wet and tattered dress gripping her
curvaceous body.
It seems that her ship hit the coral reef near the
island during
the previous night while a big party was going
onboard and the
woman had just enough time to jump into the raft
with her purse
before the ship quickly sank.
The man, overjoyed at seeing another person,
blurts out his whole
story about how he managed to live on the island
alone, how he
learned to live off the land, surviving by his
wits.
"How long did you say you've been on this island?"
she asked.
"Eleven long years," he replied.
"How long has it been since you had a smoke? Care
for one?" she
then asked as she pulled a cigarette out of her
purse.
"Oh yes, indeed!" exclaimed the man.
The woman handed the man a cigarette, who smoked
it with great
relish.
"How long has it been since you had a drink?"
asked the woman.
"Eleven long years!" replied the poor man.
The woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a
flask with
some liquor in it and handed it to the man who
drank it with
a sigh.
"Gee, I just realized. You've been on this island
for eleven
years and I guess you haven't had any human
contact or intimacy
all this time...how long has it been since you
played around?"
asked the woman then with a wolfish grin on her
face.
"Well, eleven long years also" the man replied
with a smile.
The woman, with a sexy gaze, began to unzip her
dress and
dropped her purse onto the ground.
"Holy smokes!" exclaimed the very excited man.
"Don't tell
me you have a set of golf clubs in there, too!!!!"
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Do you currently us an inhaler for a respiratory
illness?
There is a more effective and cheaper alternative
available.
http://frusonket.com/1/c/22998/186744/358223/358223
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