JokesUncut - 10 July 2004

 

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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The Whole Clan
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Shocking Roulette!

Russian Roulette has to be the ultimate game of chance. Now
you can experience the fear and anticipation in your own
home with this ‘shocking' new game.

Now don't worry that we're advocating playing with guns.
Shocking Roulette doesn't feature bullets, and you won't
have to scrape anybody's brains off the floor afterwards in
a Deer Hunter style. But you will have to face your fears
and leave your fate to chance, or end up looking like a
prize wuss.

Shocking Roulette is an electronic game for 2 – 4 players.
Each player places their finger in one of the holes on the
board. Press the start button, and the agonizing wait begins.
A flashing light makes its way around the board, accompanied
by the sound of a roulette wheel. As it slows, the tension
reaches fever pitch – and then it stops. And one unlucky
player receives a jolt of (harmless) electricity through his
or her finger!

3 AA batteries included.

Not recommended for small children or those with heart conditions.

http://www.greatworldmedia.com/gagsplus07.htm

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INTRODUCTION:

Over the last few days you'll have noticed email delivery
times have been a little strange. This is due to ISPs
dealing with bulk mail in strange ways. Hopefully normal
service will be resumed soon... btw, this should reach
you on Saturday... unless of course you're somewhere like
Australia in which case it's already tomorrow so I'm too
late and I'm writing this yesterday.

Have a great weekend, and if you don't get this until you're
back at work on Monday... ha ha ha, we're all having fun
and you're stuck at work.

Phil

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QUICK JOKE

I just bought a new state-of-the-art Sony car stereo! When
you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music. When you shout
out "Rock", it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of
my car this morning and I shouted "Fucking Kids"... and it
played Michael Jackson.

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CARTOON TIME:

Excuse Scorecard...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/022.htm

Prison Visiting...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/023.htm

Who's The Asshole?...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/024.htm

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FUN PAGE

This really is a very good version of the Sonic range of
games that are so famous. Very well done with some added
extras.

Ultimate Sonic...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/sonic.htm

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How To Have The Best Sex Humanly Possible - By Gary Halbert

If you are interested in having an absolutely incredible
sex life, there is a new book (just published) that has the
most exciting secrets you will ever read.

But, here's a warning: Before you request your copy of the
book, you better know some of the secrets revealed in it.
You see, the author of the book doesn't want to embarrass
anyone... or... make them feel uncomfortable in any way. So,
if your deep religious beliefs, your ultra conservative
upbringing or, if you have "personal reasons" against
having great sex... you probably should NOT read this
book.

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/giftfunds

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KIDS NAMES

A farmer had so many children, he ran out of names, so he
started naming his kids after something around the farm.

The first day of school began, and the teacher asked each
child their name. When he got to one of the farmer's sons,
the boy replied,

"Wagon Wheel."

The teacher said, "I need your REAL name, son," to which
he boy replied, "It's Wagon Wheel, sir...Really."

The teacher, in a huff, said, "All right young man, march
yourself right down to the principal's office THIS minute!"

The boy got out of his chair, turned to his sister, and
said, "C'mon, 'Chicken Crap,' he ain't gonna believe you,
either."

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Mole, Wart & Skin Tag Free In 3 Days

Do You Want To Have...

Freedom from the pain and irritation of your unsightly moles,
warts or skin tags?

No more endless days of fighting a losing battle with these
problems? To wake up and enjoy the rest of your day knowing
your skin is clear and pain-free, and STAYS that way?

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/molewartfr

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A COWBOYS STORY

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert
without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand,certain that he has breathed
his last, when all of a sudden, he sees anobject sticking
out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and
discovers what looks to be an old brief case.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary
genie.

She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge and a
dull gray dress.

There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil
tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work.
You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going
to trust an IRS auditor genie."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation,
and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that
the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food
and drink."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he
has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine
and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest
dreams."

***POOF***

The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests
filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make
it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that
no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story: If the government offers you
anything, there's going to be a string attached.

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"Here's How To Cut Your Carbs To The Bone,
Protect Each Hard Fought Pound You Lose, And
Maintain Complete Satisfaction In Your Low
Carb Diet, Without Ever Being Hungry Again!"

All-new low carb tracking software.

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/carbtrack

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