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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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Outrageous Shatter Sports!
Watch peoples reaction when they think your ball
has smashed
their windows with these ultra-realstic gags.
These are so real looking we highly recommend that
you not
use them on people with anger issues ;) These are
made from
cling stickers, so they are easy to use over and
over again.
A real sports ball is cut in half and heat-set
onto the
cling sticker for the most realistic gag ever!
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/gagsplus05.htm
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INTRODUCTION:
Old women are always giving out advice, whether
you want
it or not. Now... when you think of old people you
think of
your parents. When you think of 'really' old
people you
think of your grandparents. When you think 'really
really'
old you think of Dinosaurs. When you think of
'really really
really' old then you probably can't think of
someone... I
can and her name is Lorraine, she's the Senior
Editor
(yeah... that's a really appropriate term for
someone her
age) over at LABLaughs. Here is a page she made me
put up.
Of course I had to sneak in my own little tribute
to her in
it. You can find it at:
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/advice.htm
Have a great day!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Q. What's big, red, and slimy?
A. An inside-out elephant.
Q. Why do elephants have big ears?
A. Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.
Q. What do you call an elephant's tampon?
A. A sheep.
Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. Because sheep don't have strings.
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CARTOON TIME:
Cheesy Chat Up...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/016.htm
Let Me Help You With Your Coat...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/017.htm
Never Cheat In Front Of The Parrot...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/018.htm
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FUN PAGE
A fun game especially for those who like finding
all the
possible words with a whole bunch of letters.
Fowl Words...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/fowlwords/index.htm
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300 Creative Dates
The World's Most Romantic, Unique and Fun Dating
Ideas
If you are looking for a book of $100 dates to
really impress your
sweetheart, THIS ISN'T IT. But if you want 100s of
dates that cost from
$5-$20 then you have found a goldmine of
information.
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/300dates
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HOW TO GET OUT OF THE CAGE
There were 2 male canaries just sitting in a cage,
when one
day the door opened and a female canary was tossed
in...
She hated being in the cage and flew circles
inside trying
to find a way out. One male canary looked at the
other and
said "Hey watch this" He called to the
female..."Hey I know
how to get out of here" she flew over and and
begged him to
tell her...
He said, "Meet me at the bottom of the cage."
So she flew down to where he was waiting and he
said,
"Gimme some and I'll tell you."
Being desperate to escape she gave him some birdie
sex...
only to be told when they were done, "Ha!! Theres
no way
out of here!!" He flew up and high winged the
other male...
Two days later the female was still trying to find
a way
out when the other male called to her and said,
"Hey I
feel sorry for you!! Meet me at the bottom of the
cage and
I'll tell you how to get out."
So... she flew down and he said, "Gimme some and
I'll
tell ya."By this time she was distraught and
willing to do
anything, so she gave him some birdie sex... only
to be
told, "Ha! Dummy theres no way out of here!"
That night the cage was covered and the female was
still
looking for escape.... The next morning the cover
came off
and to the astonishment of the male canaries the
female
was flying circles around the OUTSIDE of the
cage!!!!!
Do you know how she got out????
scroll down
+
++
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++
+
GIMME SOME AND I'LL TELL YA!
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Home Inventory
This is the perfect computer program for Home
Owners and
Apartment Dwellers to keep your property organized
and much
more. Help safeguard your valuables from theft,
fire, flood
and more....
This program lets you record detailed information
about each
of your items, such as: ITEM NAME, DESCRIPTION,
SERIAL
NUMBER, MAKE, MODEL, STYLE, ENGRAVED OR ID INFO,
INSURANCE
INFO, CONDITION, DATE AQUIRED, COST, VALUE, and
much more.
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/rwtroll
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BUYING A BRA
I ain't much for shopping,
Nor even goin' into town -
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't easily found.
But the day came when I had to go
And I left the kids with Ma.
But before I left she asked me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"
Without thinkin' I said "Sure,"
How tough could that job be?
I bent down and kissed her
And said, "I'll be back by three"
Well, when I done the things I needed,
I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing,
I was working up a sweat.
I crossed the street to the ladies' shop
With my hat pulled over my eyes,
I wasn't takin' any chances
On bein' recognized.
I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn't hem or haw -
I told the lady right straight out,
"Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra."
From behind I heard some snickers ,
So I turned around to see
At least fifteen women in the store
And they's all gawkin' at me!
"What kind would you be looking for?"
"Well," I just scratched my head.
I'd only seen one kind before
"Thought bras was bras," I said.
She gives me a disgusted look,
"Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Come with me," I heard her say,
And like a dog, I tagged along.
She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
Well, I thought my jaw'd hit the floor
When I seen that lingerie.
They had all these different styles
That I'd not seen before
I thought that I'd go crazy
'fore I left that women's store.
They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.
They had bras that made you feel
Like you weren't wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small .
Well, I finally make my mind up -
Picked a black and lacy one -
I told the lady,
"Bag it up," And figured I was done
But then she asked me for the size.
I didn't hesitate.
I knew them measurements by heart,
" A six-and-seven-eighths."
"Six and seven eighths, well sir,
That really isn't right."
"Oh, yes ma'am! Yeah, I'm positive,
I just measured them last night."
I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.
"That's what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
This drew another stare.
By now a crowd had gathered
And they's all crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.
When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."
My wife heard the whole story
'fore I ever made it home.
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who'd called her on the phone.
She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care.
Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For no more women's underwear.
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Dui Process, Clear Your Record
Information on How to Clear Your DUI/DWI
Conviction
Record.
Have You been convicted of a DUI / DWI / OWI / OUI
?
do you want to know how to legally clear your
record ?
do you want to be able to pass a background check
?
need information on how to get your license back ?
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/duiprocess
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