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=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
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INTRODUCTION:
Yesterday we were out in the park giving the dog a
run. She
is a cross golden retriever and yellow labrador...
she can
also run pretty fast. I was walking forward and
turned
around to see her bounding towards me at extremely
high
speeds. She hit me side on and smashed through my
knee at
such a speed it buckled my knee and threw me up in
the
air... she kept on running and I landed smack on
the
ground.
The fall did not hurt one bit; tu her crashing
into my knee
at 30 miles per hour did.
I've never been shot but imagine it would feel
something
like that.
I will have a reminder of it for a few days but as
I already
take lots of NSAIDs and Narcotics on a daily basis
I
shouldn't notice the pain too much.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
One day a sergeant of long service standing was
trying to
teach a bunch of raw recruits how to handle the
rifle. The
rookies were firing hither and yon and finally one
of them
shot the sergeant in the seat of his breeches.
"You dumb ass, son of a bitch, fucking moron,
asshole"
screamed the sergeant.
A second lieutenant who was with the group
cautioned,
"Remember, sarge, you're in the New Army. No
profanities."
The sargeant apologized to the officer and turned
back to
the recruit. "My goodness gracious," he said,
"What on
earth was your motivation in shooting me with
unwarranted
expenditure of valuable ammunition?
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Looking For A Job...
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Will Work For Head...
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A Little Head...
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FUN PAGE
Another Pac Man Style Game...
Flash Man...
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HE WHO DRINKS...
An Australian guy decides to travel around the
Greek
Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the
Australian
barmaid) takes his order, a Fosters, and notices
his accent.
Over the course of the night they get to know each
other.
At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she
wants to come
back to his place and have sex with him. Although
she is
attracted to him she says no.
He then offers to pay her $200 for sex. Jill is
traveling
the world and because she is short of funds she
agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again, orders
Fosters and
after showing her plenty of attention throughout
the night
he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.
Jill
remembers the night before and is only too happy
to agree.
This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the
guy comes
in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill
thinks
that if she pays him more some attention then
maybe she
can then shake some more cash out of him again, so
she
goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he's from in Australia and he
tells
her: "Melbourne."
"So am I ..., what suburb in Melbourne?"
"Glen Iris," he replies.
"That's amazing ...," she says, "so am I - what
street?"
"Cameo Street," he replies.
"This is unbelievable ...," she says, "what
number?"
He says "Number 20," and she is totally
astonished.
"You are not going to believe this, but I'm from
number 22!
My parents still live there!"
"I know ...," he says, "your father gave me $1.000
to give
to you!"
HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN THINKS AUSTRALIAN!
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COMMENTATING ON SPORT
Check out these sports slip-ups!
Pat Glenn - Weightlifting Commentator: "This is
Gregori Ava
from Bulgaria.... I saw her snatch this morning
and it was
amazing."
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is
really a
lovely horse, I once rode her mother."
Murray Walker: "The lead car is absolutely unique,
except
for the one behind it which is identical."
Greg Norman: "I owe a lot to my parents,
especially my
mother and father."
Alan Minter: "Sure there have been injuries and
deaths in
boxing but none of them serious."
Terry Venables: "If history repeats itself, I
should think
we can expect the same thing again"
Ron Atkinson: "He dribbles a lot and the
opposition
doesn't like it - you can see it all over their
faces."
Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977: "Ah,
isn't that
nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is
kissing the
cox of the Oxford crew.
Metro Radio: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's
like
they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics: "There
goes
Juantorena down the back straight, opening his
legs and
showing his class."
US TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie
[Arnold Palmer]
is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot,
his wife
takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God,
what have
I just said?"
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Gary Halbert
If you are interested in having an absolutely
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But, here's a warning: Before you request your
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any way. So,
if your deep religious beliefs, your ultra
conservative
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