JokesUncut - 27 June 2004

 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

101 Tips & Tricks to Get The Most from Your iPod

Your iPod is a fantastic mp3 player: but it can do so much
more.

This ebook will show you how to use your iPod to its MAXIMUM.
Use it as a PDA, a bootable hard drive, back-up your
computer, to record voice notes.

This eBook is also your iPod's missing manual. Solve
problems such as freezes, crashes, poor battery capacity,
working with multiple machines, updating its firmware.

Don't spend hours and hours surfing the internet to find the
answer to your problem: just look it up in this ebook.

For the next 3 DAYS ONLY, as an introductory special, we are
selling the iPod eBook for only $6.95! Download it right
now.

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/ipodebook

<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

INTRODUCTION:

I hope you're Sunday is a good one for you so far. The
weather here has been somewhat unpredictable hot and
sunny one minute and then puring rain and windy the next.
I love the sound of rain beating down on a roof... because
it makes you so glad to be in doors.

Phil

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

QUICK JOKE

A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country
outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and
land in the muck at the bottom.

He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs.

The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens
roaring as they approached the privy.

"Where's the fire?" called the chief.

"No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the
hole. "But if I had yelled, 'Shit! Shit! Shit!', who would
have rescued me?"

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

CARTOON TIME:

Taking Out The Garbage...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200405/032.htm

Shaving Pussy...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200405/033.htm

Hooter Meter...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200405/034.htm

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

FUN PAGE

Yesterday I got the URL wrong for our fun page, so second
time lucky... here it is for you again...

Kick some field goals but the higher the level the tougher
it gets with distance, wind and accuracy all taken into
account.

Field Goal...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/fieldgoal/index.htm

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

If you are serious in becoming an expert in serving
non-alcoholic drinks, a true NA Bartender, check out the
NA Bartender's Guide. It is filled with tips for serving
non-alcoholic drinks, unique mixers, and 50+ drink recipes
(all alcohol-free) that will keep your NA patrons coming
back for another round.

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/resauc2003

<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

OLD TIMERS SEX

There was this really old guy at an old-timer's dance who
hadn't had any sex for a long time. He'd been dancing with
the grandmas all night, but he still hadn't scored.
Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said,
"Listen, I'm having no luck scoring a woman. How about
coming back to my place for a piece? I'll give you $20
if you oblige!"

"I'm willing, let's go," she said.

They arrived back at his place, and after a bit of foreplay,
they headed for the bedroom. The old guy loved the sex and
couldn't get over how tight the old grandma was for such an
old woman. Surely she's got to be a virgin.

After the wonderful performance, he rolled over and said,
"Wow! Lady, if I had known you were a virgin, I would have
given you $50".

Surprised, she replied, "If I had known you were actually
going to get an erection, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

How you can keep from being taken on a used car ?
By learning how to properly inspect a used vehicle.

Inspect Before You Buy

A "Do It Yourself" guide to inspecting a used vehicle.

By Jerry Ellingson, ASE Certified Auto Technician

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/inspectcar

<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

GOD CREATED WOMAN

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing.' "

After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth.

Ruined the whole fucking thing. (well, at least the talking
part of the mouth)

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

Discover the Secrets To Treating Back Pain and More...
Back Pain - Hip Pain - Leg Pain - Sciatica
Knee Pain - Pinched Nerves - Herniated Discs
Wouldn't you like to feel really good again?

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/backbook

<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-

 

 

 

 

 

  

 



SUBSCRIBE TO THESE FREE EMAILS FROM Ezines4All.com
Tick the boxes of the lists you would like, place your email address into the space provided and then press the 'Submit' button.

JokesUncut

The 'pick' of all the newest and best ADULT jokes in the world... with daily commentary from that madman we like to call Mr-X

Click Here To Visit Homepage

DafterLafter

The 'pick' of all the newest and best CLEAN jokes in the world... with daily commentary from that madman we like to call Mr-X

Click Here To Visit Homepage

Buffalos G Jokes

Proof G doesn't mean stale, stuffy, or old. Good clean humor that can be shared with anyone. Be funny without being offensive or obscene. Try G-Jokes, your one stop clean humor connection.

Click Here To Visit Homepage

Buffalos Adult Jokes

A fresh batch of chips for you each morning. New jokes blended with those worth hearing again. Not for the easily offended or under 18 years old.

Click Here To Visit Homepage

More Great Lists From Our Partner Sites

LABLaughs Adult Jokes
Top quality Adult Humor from LABLaughs.com sent to your mailbox on a daily basis. This list is for grown-ups only!
Click Here To Visit Homepage
LABLaughs Clean Jokes
Top quality Clean Humor from LABLaughs.com sent to your mailbox on a daily basis. Fun which is suitable for all the family! Click Here To Visit Homepage
LABLaughs Adult Cartoons
A hilarious 'Adult' dirty cartoon from LABLaughs.com sent to you every day for viewing on the web, ideal to share with your friends! Click Here To Visit Homepage
LABLaughs Clean Cartoons
A funny 'Clean' cartoon, suitable for all, from LABLaughs sent to your daily for viewing on the web, ideal to share with your friends.
Click Here To Visit Homepage
LABLaughs Recipes
A mouth-watering recipe to tempt your every day. Whatever your tastes, you'll find something too add to your Recipe book.
Click Here To Visit Homepage
LABLaughs Inspiration
A daily piece of inspiration to bring a tear to your eye or a smile to your face. Usually as a poem or a short story. Get inspired today!
Click Here To Visit Homepage
LABLaughs Freebies
A great source to receive Free offers, samples of things, Vouchers, Promotional offers and much much more.
Click Here To Visit Homepage
LABLaughs Links
5 links to fun and useful sites on the internet sent every day. All links are checked to make sure that they're absolutely clean.
Click Here To Visit Homepage
LABLaughs Riddles
A daily riddle from LABLaughs to tax your brain... and distract you from your work. You can use these on your friends too!
Click Here To Visit Homepage
LABLaughs Trivia
Be a trivia buff and impress your friends with your useless info, you never know... it could help you win a gameshow!
Click Here To Visit Homepage
LABLaugh Files
A link to a funny file for you to download, either a sound clip, movie clip or an exe file, ideal to share with your friends!
Click Here To Visit Homepage
LynnLynn's Links
Surf the net with Lynn as she finds you the best links each day to guide you around the best sites the internet has to offer.
Click Here To Visit Homepage
Nekia's Adult Humor!
The BEST in Adult humor-Not raunchy just plain funny.
Toons included in every issue!
Over The Edge!
Xtreme Adult Humor! The name says it all! The best in "Oh My God!" Adult humor!
Aiken's One-Liners!
Five one line jokes that you can tell ANYBODY! They're clean, short and FUNNY
Click Here To Visit Homepage
Inspire
A traditional list that brings you inspirational material of all types. Promises to make you think, smile & ENJOY
Buffalo Lite
Lite Humor for people on the go. If you haven't go the time to sit and read the rest... spend a quick two minutes to read the best!
Click Here To Visit Homepage
A Laugh A Day!
The centerpost of CLEAN fun humor!  Trivia, toons, & 4 great jokes!

Click Here To Visit Homepage
No Holds Barred!
Anything goes with the best in adult humor! Not trashy kids jokes but enjoyable outrageous laughs!
Pics-R-Uss!
A pic or toon direct to your in-box. Sent once a day, every day. Some adult content.
Jokes-R-Uss
Sent out every 4-5 days. Jokes, Fun stuff, and you can try to answer "Jays Brain Teaser".
Wavs-R-Uss
For adults who enjoy funny Songs/Parodies 4-5 times a week.
Your List Here?
Email
mrx@ezines4all.com for details of how to get your list here by joining our program where you run links to this site in your ezine.
Your List Here?
Email
mrx@ezines4all.com for details of how to get your list here by joining our program where you run links to this site in your ezine.

YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS:

Click Here For Our Full Index

If you've enjoyed this page then please be kind and visit our sponsors.

WHY NOT VISIT THESE OTHER GREAT SITES?

LOL Funny Pictures GagsPlus
Funny Videos! Stupid People
Celebrity Pics Cartoons By Gaspritz
Optical Illusions Extreme Funny Pictures
Valentine Cards Randon Fun Pages
Funny Funny Pictures Anti-Bored.com
Joke Email Celebrity Mugshots
HighSchoolHumor.com Aikens Laughs
Flash Cartoons FunFry.com
2funnypictures Pick The Worst
Humping Frog Funny Adult Jokes
Face War! Joke Around
Embarrassing Stories Info On Everything
Free ECards LABLaughs
Song Lyrics Buddy Icons
G-Wash.com Icon Planet
Quick Bites Recipes Joke Stop
More Links Your Link Here?

Please visit out other sites:
http://www.lablaughs.com - 11 Fun Email Lists with Massive Archives
 
http://www.yourlasthost.com - Fast, Affordable, Reliable Hosting... low cost Bandwidth
http://www.yourlisthost.com - Great value, great delivery email list hosting!

http://www.greatworldmedia.com - Revenue Opportunities For Webmasters
http://www.ezines4all.com - Fun Pages and Cartoons


FREE Banner Exchange: Generous 5/4 ratio!
Email to ask for full info!