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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
It was Monday when we went to visit the Royal
Yacht
Britannia, which you can find out more about at
http://www.royalyachtbritannia.co.uk/
I hope they appreciate the free ad :-) The Yacht
is
permeanatly at Leith in Edinburgh now. It's
sitting in the
water right next to a shopping mall called 'Ocean
Terminal'.
I don't want to spoil it but the tour was really
great,
after haggling with the price (and winning) we got
in for
£2.25 each instead of the usual £8.50 and
admittedly I'm
glad that we went as we weren't sure it'd be worth
it as
we're not Museum/Art Gallery kind of people. The
staff were
all very friendly and we got the 'audio described'
tour
which gives far more detailed information than the
standard
tour but takes a lot longer to get round (Over 2
hours
rather than 30 minutes)... it can get busy at
times so I
guess they couldn't give that to everyone...
everyone
gets a handset with the audio tour, the special
audio
described one is just for the 'visually impaired',
and if
you're new to the list or don't already know
Lizzie and I
both qualify as she's totally blind and I'm not
too far off
it myself. People often ask if I'd like to have
better
eyesight and I just reply 'No, I like having my
bus pass'.
Many things on the yacht are roped/glassed off to
protect
precious artifacts. One such thing is in the Royal
Drawing
Room and is the grand piano that royals such as
Princess
Diana have played on. It made Lizzies day when she
was
allowed behind the ropes and into the room to play
the
piano, it not only brought a smile to her face but
also the
faces of the staff and other tour-goers who looked
on.
Have a fantastic day,
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
A young woman and young man were at the beach one
moonlit
night. They were lying there looking at the night
sky in
each other's arms. The young man looked over and
asked the
young lady, "If you could be on any planet up
there, just
you and I, which one would you want it to be?"
The young woman lies there for a minute staring up
and
thinks and then replies, "I think it would be
Venus, it
sounds like a place of romance." She then turns to
him and
asks him the same question.
He lies there and with a sly smile replies,
"Uranus."
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CARTOON TIME:
Kissing Booth...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200405/002.htm
Pain In The Ass...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200405/003.htm
Taken Down In Evidence...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200405/004.htm
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FUN PAGE
Here's a great one to try on a friend...
I NEED A PERSONAL FAVOUR FROM YOU IF YOU CAN ...
A group of our friends are spending their holidays
making a
"Fun Run" around the country. They are traveling
light and
are looking for places along the way where they
can crash
for a few days. I thought maybe you could help
them by
welcoming them and making them feel at home for a
couple of
days, so I took the liberty of giving them your
phone number
and address.
They leave in a day or so and you can probably
expect them
to arrive sometime in the next 3 weeks. To help
you
recognize them (I don't want you to be taken in by
complete
strangers), their photo is below. Thanks. This
would mean a
lot...
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/pics/personal.htm
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THE CREEPY CAR
This story happened about a month ago in a little
town in
Mexico, and even when it sounds like an Alfred
Hitchcock
tale it's real. This guy was on the side of the
road hitch
hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a
storm.
The night was rolling and no car went by, the
storm was so
strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of
him.
Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him and stop.
The guy without thinking about it got in the car
closes the
door just to realize there's nobody behind the
wheel. The
car starts slowly, the guy looks at the road and
sees a
curve coming his way, scared he starts to pray
begging for
his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just
before he
hits the curve, a hand appears through the window
and moves
the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched
how the
hand appears every time they are before a curve.
The guy gathering strength gets out of the car and
runs to
the nearest town. Wet and in shock goes to a
cantina and
asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling
everybody
about the horrible experience he went through. A
silence
enveloped everybody when they realize the guy was
crying
and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked in the
same cantina
and one said to the other. "Look Pepe, that's the
asshole
that got in the car when we were pushing it.
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BRA SIZES INTERPRETED
"Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F,
G, and
H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you
have
wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the
letters
stood for, it is about time you became informed!"
{A}........Almost Boobs...
{B}........Barely there.
{C}........Can't Complain!
{D}........Dang!
{DD}.......Double Dang!
{E}........Enormous!
{F}........Fake.
{G}........Get a Reduction.
{H}........Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up
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