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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
Good morning/afternoon/evening depending on your
timezone
and whether you open this as soon as it's sent :-)
In my
case Good 2am (when I tend to read jokes).
I've not got a lot to write today. The highlight
of my day
will be fixing Lizzie's "broken" hoover. By broken
I'm
guessing the belt's gone and I just have to get
into it and
replace it. Believe it or not that's actually
quite
practical by my standards as I'm not really that
practical
a person. The only reason I can use a screwdriver
is because
you need to to get into a computer... but then
getting into
a hoover is no more difficult than that.
I hope these jokes, cartoons and the game manage
to cheer
your Monday up a little.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
An old lady was standing at the railing of the
cruise ship
holding her hat on tightly so that it would not
blow off in
the wind. A gentleman approached her and said:
"Pardon me,
madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you
know that
your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands
to hold
onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are
exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and
replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old.
I just
bought this hat yesterday"
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CARTOON TIME:
Bra Padding...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200404/009.htm
Flowchart For Problem Resolution...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200404/010.htm
The Consequences Of Sex...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200404/011.htm
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FUN PAGE
I'm including this game in the hopes that someone
can figure
out the appeal. It seems like a sort of 'bowls'
meets 'pool'
game to me. It's got nothing on fishy though.
Couronne Deluxe...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/couronnedeluxe/index.htm
If you don't fancy the game you could always
visit:
The most annoying page on the internet...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/annoying.htm
Even better... annoy your friends (or enemies,
colleagues,
boss, family members, buddies etc) by sending
them!
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WAILING WALL
A journalist heard about an old Jew who had been
going to
the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday,
for a long,
long time. So she went to check it out. She goes
to the
Wailing Wall and there he is! She watches him pray
and after
about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she
approaches
him for an interview. "I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN.
Sir, how
long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and
praying?"
"For about 50 years."
"50 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Jews and the Arabs.
I pray
for all the hatred to stop and I pray for our
children to
grow up in safety and friendship."
"How do you feel after doing this for 50 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a fuckin' wall."
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SOUTHERNISMS
1. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
2. It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper
patch.
3. He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every
branch on the
way down.
4. Have a cup of coffee - it's already been "saucered
and
blowed."
5. She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.
6. It's so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
7. My cow died last night so I don't need your
bull.
8. He's as country as a cornflake.
9. This is gooder'n grits.
10. I've been busier than a cat covering crap on a
marble
floor.
11. If things get any better, I may have to hire
someone to
help me enjoy it.
12. I'm 'bout as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a
room full
of rocking chairs.
13. I'm as busy as a moth in a mitten.
13. Happy as a clam at high tide.
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