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=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
No matter how talented we are (or thing we are) at
something
we always get a reminder that we're not perfect.
Yesterday
Lorraine pointed out to me that lots of the links
to the
archives for LABLaughs weren't working (you find
them on the
subscription table on the website). The problem
was small
and easily fixed but it was big in the respect
that it meant
the whole thing wasn't working... it always helps
to have
someone checking your work for you. No matter how
much
you proof read something you can still miss some
blindingly
obvious mistakes that others (even those less able
than
yourself... such as teachers) will spot instantly.
That means that all the archives for LABLaughs
since it was
first made to November last year are currently on
the site.
Hopefully they'll be fully up-to-date soon but
they are
certainly all worth reading through. There are
Jokes,
Cartoons, Freebies, Links, Riddles, Trivia,
Inspiration and
files... four years of that is a lot of reading.
Thanks go to Lorraine... you're a star.
Thanksfully,
Phil
PS... anyone remember Lorraine, she edited
LABLaughs lists
about 100 years ago (or it seems like that)?
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QUICK JOKE
What's the definition of a bastard?
A man who screws you all night with a 2 inch
penis,
then kisses you good-bye with a 12 inch tongue.
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CARTOON TIME:
Waterfall...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/040.htm
Keep Your Mouth Shut...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/041.htm
Gods Gift To Man...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/042.htm
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FUN PAGE
George Bush Aerobics...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/bushaerobics/index.htm
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PAL Emergency Response
Your PC might appear clean... but it could still
be full of
'Virus threats' that most antivirus programs fail
to detect
and it might very well be a Serious threat to your
privacy
as many viruses now record everything you type on
your PC
and broadcast it to the internet. This may include
credit
card numbers, passwords and sensitive information.
Most
Anti-virus programs fail to detect all viruses and
users
need an independent virus scanner in order to
detect all
viruses in your PC.
Works together with most other antiviral programs
for extra
protection or as a standalone anti virus program.
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/emergencyr
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HIGH TECH NAKEDNESS
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly
there is
a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm
and the
beeping stops. The others look at him
questioningly.
"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip
under the
skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man
lifts his
palm to his ear. When he finishes, he explains,
"That's my
mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps
out of the
sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of
toilet
paper sticking out of his ass. The others raise
their
eyebrows.
"I'm getting a Fax," he explains.
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TV WALL enables you to convert any regular TV into
a high
quality big screen projector, a rear projection
unit or your
wide-screen theater -- without spending thousands
of dollars.
Believe me ... the more you read here, the more
you will be
glad you found this.
The TV WALL System isn't the same old re-hashed
information
that you've seen before. Don't waste your money on
other
plans that only give you a weak picture that is
similar to
looking through the old style "X-Ray" Glasses
advertised in
the old comic books.
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/tvwallpro
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TROUSER SNAKE WARNING
NAME:
"Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
LOCATION:
Throughout the world
DESCRIPTION:
One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types
come with extra layers of skin). Color varies from
pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous
spit.
Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet. Size
varies from
3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood &
sub-species.
SYMPTOMS:
This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front
abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump.
Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating
pain
after nine months. The attack is not usually
fatal.
BEWARE:
It has been known to attack men in the rear lower
abdomen!
HABITAT:
Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to
appear in the most unusual places.
ANTIDOTE:
Various types of vaccine available for women.
However, once the venom is injected
into the body only drastic measures will ensure
complete
recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED TOURNIQUET:
Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep
in the body to be affected.
CUTTING THE WOUND:
This would be completely unnecessary and
ineffective
as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks
anyhow.
SUCKING THE WOUND:
This method is the most popular with the victim,
but so far has not been reported
to have led to any success.
SEARCHING FOR ANTI-VENOM:
1. Place four fingers of the right hand around
the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the
front.
2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards
and downwards motion.
3. This will result in the snake becoming highly
aggressive, very rigid and start spitting.The time
taken for this milking process depends entirely
on the milker and the last time the snake
attacked.
Once milked, the snake should be harmless for
about 20 minutes.
CONCLUSION:
This snake, although it is very aggressive and
active,
is not necessarily a vermin, and treated with the
right
respect, makes a wonderful pet.
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Create and play with your favorite veggie friends
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the Cucumber
and all of the veggie kids on a learning
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are just like playing a Veggie Tales video. Your
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Go on a camping trip with Bob the Tomato and Larry
the
Cucumber to help Junior Asparagus and his friends
earn their
merit badges on Veggie Island. But when trouble
strikes,
Junior and the gang could be stranded on the
mysterious
island forever. Kids must solve the riddle of Mr.
Nezzer's
ancestor to get Junior and the gang off of the
island. In
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and Larry
the Cucumber.
Design and print your own creations, including
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