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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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Double The Speed Of Your PC
Discover some of the most amazing secrets to speed
up and
optimize your PC that you will ever learn, you can
do
everything in this report without spending a
single cent on
hardware and I will show you exactly how in these
two main
categories:
1) Hardware Optimization - e.g. CPU, modem, hard
disk, CD
drive, memory etc...
(2) Software Optimization - e.g. Internet
Explorer, Outlook,
Media Player, Office 2000 etc...
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/sanderson
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INTRODUCTION:
I have to admit it... I am an addict :-(
That's because I'm addicted to a game I ran a
couple of
weeks ago. Is it some great Sim? No. Is it a
shoot-em-up?
No! Is it a great sports game? No. All it is is a
game
where you are a fish in a pond and you have to eat
smaller
fish to become the biggest fish in the pond. Does
my
addiction suggest some psychological disorder
where I want
to eat up all my smaller counterparts to become
the biggest
in my small pond? I really don't know... but it's
a very
frustrating game... especially when you run into a
bigger
fish that eats you up!
Play fishy yourself at:
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/fishy.htm
Fishingly,
Fishy Phil
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QUICK JOKE
A lawyer, and dentist and a Harley man were
sitting in the
waiting room of a doctor's office. The lawyer
finally broke
the silence and said: "Me and the wife just had an
anniversary. I bought her a diamond necklace and a
Jaguar.
If she doesn't like the necklace, at least she can
drive
around in the car."
"Hmm," said the dentist, "my wife and I had our
anniversary
last month, and I got her a mink coat and a yacht.
If she
doesn't like the coat, at least she can have
parties on the
yacht."
"Yup," says the Biker, "we have our anniversary
coming up
next month, and I'll be getting her a T-shirt and
a dildo.
If she doesn't like the shirt, she can go fuck
herself."
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CARTOON TIME:
Like Men Need A Guide?...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/034.htm
Body Language...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/035.htm
Not In My Yard...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/036.htm
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FUN PAGE
Todays page is a fun little game!
Bug On A Wire...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/bugonawire
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ATTENTION!!! New Virus Epidemic!
Netsky and Bagel have now infected more than a
million
computers since they were first detected, causing
losses of
more than 38,500 million dollars.
Does your computer seem to be running slower than
usual? If
you've using the Internet over the past month,
your computer
may be infected with a computer Virus that your
current
Anti-virus software may have failed to detect and
remove.
Some of this computer viruses disable many
Antivirus
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Emergency
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separate from
any other program on your PC and will remove all
the latest
computer threats.
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IMPROVED SEX LIFE
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples
increase the
joy in their sex life, but always promised not to
take a
case if he felt he could not help them.
The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave
them thorough
physical exams, psychological exams, and various
tests and
then concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I
believe I can
help you. On your way home from my office stop at
the
grocery store and buy some grapes and some
doughnuts. Go
home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll
the grapes
across the floor until you make a bulls eye in
your wife's
love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl
to her
like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only
your
tongue. "Then next, ma'am, you must take the
doughnuts and
from across the room, toss them at your husband
until you
make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a
lioness, you
must crawl to him and consume the doughnut."
The couple went home and their sex life became
more and
more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. &
Mrs. Green
that they should see the good doctor. The doctor
greeted
the Greens and said he would not take the case
unless he
felt that he could help them; so he conducted the
physical
exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told
the
Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will
not
take your money. I believe your sex life is as
good as it
will ever be. I cannot help."
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped
our
friends the Browns, now please, please help us."
"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way
home from
the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some
apples
and a box of cheerios..."
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If you want to learn Photoshop fast and you want
to do it
without reading boring books or going to expensive
classes
then this might be the most important letter you
read all
year.
Here's what this is all about:
Now you can learn Photoshop in less than 2 hours
thanks to
newly released, interactive video tutorials that
play on
your computer screen. You don't even need to own
the
Photoshop software to use these videos. Everything
you
need to learn Photoshop is included.
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EIGHT SURE-FIRE WAYS TO TELL IF YOU ARE GAY
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard
stomach,
you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back
enough beer
with the boys and have spent the rest of your free
time
doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A
cat is
like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly
but never
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when
it uses
its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how
you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get
your ass
over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
cat...
"Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus,
you're fit to
be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby
pacifiers, or
any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a
Gaylord. A
straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab
claws, raw
oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or
tits.
Anything else and you are in training to suck El
Dicko and
undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public
bathroom or
piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual
relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he
defecates
and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you
like a
high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be
had
strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will
never be
heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and
he will
never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes
like. If
you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a
man
there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or
four
different types of dessert, you might as well be
handing out
free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have
memory space
in his brain to remember all of that crap as well
as all the
names of all the players in the Major league, NFL,
NBA,
college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out
chartreuse
or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And
if you can
name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are
faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel,
forget it,
you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only
puts both
hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or
to cut
the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that
hand to
change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold
his beer, or
play with his bitch in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films,
mon-frere,
vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable
to watch
one of those is with a woman who knows how to
reward her man.
Watching any of the above films by yourself or
with another
man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous
homosexual
combustion), which is what happens to fags when
they flame
out too quickly.
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Have you noticed your computer running slower than
ever?
The reason for that may have to do with online
advertisers
adding SpyWare or AdWare to your computer without
your
knowledge. "Spyware" is a common term for files
that are
installed on your system without your knowledge
that allow
companies to monitor your Internet activity. "AdWare"
is
software that will show you popup ads over and
over. What
they don't tell you, however, is how these files
can be
extremely dangerous to your PC and could cause
major
problems with your PC.
We are offering every computer owner, including
yourself,
the opportunity to scan your computer to see how
many
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To scan your computer for free, click here:
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Our goal is to put an end to shady online
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that Internet users can enjoy the World Wide Web
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We urge you to run the free scan!
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