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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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INTRODUCTION:
I'm in a rush today, I've been away for the day
visiting my
Mum, while I was away though I had my mobile/cell
phone
stolen by a taxi driver of all people! My word
against his
though. The annoying thing is it's a nice phone
but it was
PAYG and I'd only just bought £50 credit for it
yesterday.
Looks like I'll be needing a new phone, I'm lost
without it,
I use it as an alarm clock to get me up in the
morning, I'd
got a keypad and facia I liked, I had a great
Snake II high
score on it and used it as a watch as well because
I don't
wear one on my wrist... damn these dishonest
people in the
world! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Phil <---Looking for a new phone
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QUICK JOKE
A young guy was complaining to his Boss about the
problems
he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.
"She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her,
the young
man exclaimed."
"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my
wife"
replied the Boss. "Whenever she got out of hand
I'd take her
pants down and spank her".
Shaking his head the young guy replied "I've tried
that...
it doesn't work for me. Once I get her pants down
I'm not
mad anymore.".
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GOING TO HELL
The lawyer died. Having not lived an
all-that-honest life he
found Himself at the gates of Hell.
"Welcome to Hell" announced the Devil greeting him
warmly.
"Glad you could join us. As your last taste of
free will,
you are allowed to choose which of three possible
places
that you will spend the rest of eternity."
There were three doors behind the Devil. He opened
the first
door. Flames shot into the room and the lawyer
could see
thousands of people amidst the fire.
"No" said the lawyer. "Not this one."
The Devil opened the second door. The lawyer could
see
thousands of People slaving away at a large
rock-pile.
They were all being whipped as they Hammered the
large
boulders into smaller boulders.
"No" again said the lawyer.
Finally, the devil opened up that last door which
showed
thousands of People in a incredibly large lake
with vomit
up to their chins. All of them Were chanting
'Don't make
waves, don't make waves...'
"That's awful!!" commented the lawyer in
repulsion.
"You think that's bad?" asked the devil, "you
should see it
when the angels spend the weekend here with their
jet-skis!"
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NEW BOOTS
An elderly American couple is vacationing in the
West. Bob
always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.
Seeing some
on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home,
walking
proudly.
He walks into their hotel room and says to his
wife,
"Notice anything different, Helen?
Helen looks him over, "Nope."
Bob says excitedly, "Come on, Helen, take a good
look.
Notice anything different about me?"
Helen looks again, "Nope."
Frustrated, Bob storms off to the bathroom,
undresses, and
walks back into the room, completely naked except
for his
boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice
anythin'
DIFFERENT?"
Helen looks up and says, "Bob, what's different?
It's hanging
down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll
be hanging
down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bob yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S
HANGING DOWN,
HELEN?... IT'S HANGING DOWN 'CAUSE IT'S LOOKIN' AT
MY NEW
BOOTS."
To which Helen replies, "Shoulda bought a hat,
Bob, shoulda
bought a hat."
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