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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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Discover the Secrets to America's Most Wanted
Recipes.
Now You Can Have These All-Time Favorite Recipes
to Easily
Prepare
in Your Own Kitchen. Impress Your Family and
Friends with
Recipes They'll Love
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INTRODUCTION:
I have a bad habit of taking taxis everywhere.
It's far too
easy and the bus stop is quite a walk away, then
there are
so many different bus routes... and I'm scared of
getting
lost and being a male I will never ask for
directions. Plus,
taxis are nice and warm and the drivers usually
know where
they're going way better than I do... not to
mention they're
safer.
It's all too easy to make excuses, today we're
going out to
a new place for dinner. I've booked it online to
get a 2
for 1 discount, I've looked where it on a map and
I've
phoned the bus company to ask which bus goes
there... so
that's the plan. If you don't hear from me in a
while you'll
know that I've got well and trully lose!
Have fun, it's Monday... don't work too hard
otherwise you'll
be tired for the rest of the week.
Phil
PS Don't forget the five portions of fruit and veg
a day!
PPS Do Potato Chips/Crisps count as a portion as
they have
potato?
PPPS How about onion rings? mmmmmmmm, onion rings
PPPPS If garlic is good for you, is garlic bread?
Or garlic
pizza bread with cheese, how about garlic ciabatta
bread?
Droolingly (yet again),
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Three men, an American, a German, and a Scotsman
are driving
along and see a sheep caught in a barbed wire
fence with its
ass stuck in the air.
The American says "Geez, I wish that was Cindy
Crawford".
The German says "Man, I wish it was Elle
McPherson."
The Scotsman says "I just wish it was dark out!"
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CARTOON TIME:
If God Had Gotten It Right...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/023.htm
Golf Balls...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/024.htm
Screw You Cards Inc...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/025.htm
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FUN PAGE
Celebrity Love Match...
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=210&pid=2897&s=n
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2Bucks An Ad Advertising Program.
Ads in multiple ezines for $1.00 each (or less!
90+ ezines
(November 2003) Subscriber base 800.000+
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SHIT JOKE
A couple has been dating for three months, and the
sex is
getting dull. One night they're lying in bed when
the girl
says, "Harry, want to try something new? It's very
kinky."
He says, "Sure."
She says, "Stand over me and take a shit on me."
He stands up, straddles her, squats a bit, and
takes a dump
on her chest. She says, "Now lie in it on top of
me and
screw me." He lies on top of her, with the shit
oozing
between them, and she gives him the wildest hump
he's ever
had.
The next time they're lying in bed, it's boring
and she asks
him to do it again. He stands over her and grinds
out a huge
turd onto her chest. Then he lies on her, and they
have
another incredible lay. As time goes on, Harry
really gets
into it. He eats like a horse on the days before
their dates,
because it seems the more he craps on her, the
better the
sex is.
One Thursday night, he has the runs, so on Friday
morning he
eats a few cheese sandwiches and downs a whole
bottle of
Kaopectate before he goes to work, so he won't
wheedle down
his legs at the office. That night, he goes to her
house,
they go in the bedroom and get undressed, she lies
on the
bed, he stands over her, and squats down, and
grunts...but
nothing comes out. He strains a bit, and grunts,
and then
pfff! -- a little fart -- but nothing of any
substance.
For a few minutes, he's pushing and grunting, when
suddenly
he hears her crying. He says, "Honey, what's
wrong?"
She says, "You're seeing someone else, aren't
you???"
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Science project due?
Take a deep breath of relief.
You've found your experiment!
Stop wasting time Google-ing for an idea!
Why start an experiment with hard to follow
instructions
that might not work? Avoid that long list of
expensive,
hard to find materials. Don't risk submitting
something
that won't help your child get the very best
grade.
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THIRTY MORE ERECTIONS
A man is having problems with his dick, which
certainly had
seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after
a couple
of tests, says,"Sorry, but you've overdone it the
last 30
years. Your dick is burned out. You only have 30
erections
left in your penis."
The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is
waiting
for him at the front door and asks him what the
doctor said
concerning his problem.
He tells her what the doc told him.
She says, "Oh no! Only 30 times! We shouldn't
waste that!
We should make a list!"
He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way
home.
Sorry, your name isn't on it.".
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Exceptional musical ability is not reserved for a
gifted
few. It is a skill you can learn. All you need is
a
straightforward, no nonsense guide.
The latest, state of the art, electronic
instruments
offer fabulous opportunities to produce
outstanding sound.
Like many other music lovers you have no doubt
been
thrilled by the sound created on the latest CDs or
coming
over your radio. Much of this music is created
with
electronic wizardry such as electronic keyboards
and you
can learn to play one.
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