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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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INTRODUCTION:
I'm a little early today, but hopefully you'll all
be making
the most of the lovely weather (well, it's lovely
here
anyway) and getting the barbecue heated up.
You know, this list isn't just about me me me,
it's for you
guys and I'm just here to put it all together.
I've only
got 23 years of life to talk about, and at least 5
years of
that I have very little memory of. Some of you
have written
to tell me a bit about yourselves but most
probably think
that I'm just not interested.... of course I am,
and so are
the rest of the people on the list. So, if you've
got a
story to tell, a memory to share or just a point
to make, or
even something to get off your chest... send it to
me.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Q: What is an innuendo?
A: An Italian suppository!
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CARTOON TIME:
Discrimination...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/020.htm
Growing A Foot...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/021.htm
This Is Glue!...
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SNOOPING NEIGHBOURS
George looked over the backyard fence and admired
Fred's wife
while she sunbathed topless.
The next day, George corners his neighbor on the
driveway
saying, "I saw your wife sunbathing in the
backyard without
her top on yesterday."
Fred was quite put out over the peeping incident
and told
George he planned revenge.
That very evening, Fred noticed that George's
bedroom shades
were up. Upon closer inspection, he notices
George's wife in
the act of performing oral sex.
The very next day Fred calls out to George, "Hey,
George, I
saw your wife giving you a blow-job last night."
George laughed. "Ha ha ha! Liar! I wasn't even
home last
night."
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PET THINKING
Dog: "Why do they keep putting the lid down on the
big water
bowl?"
Goldfish: "Just because I have a three-second
memory, they
don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes
over and
over ... oh boy! Fish flakes!"
Dog: "Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it?
I already
know whose it is!"
Goldfish: "The knight never comes out of the
castle to fight
me for dominion over the fish tank. So I must
continue
patrolling, for I am lord and master!"
Parrot: "Tease, tease, tease! But do those greedy
assholes
ever really *give* me a cracker? Fuck no!"
Cat: "Why are these people doing in my house?"
Dog: "I don't care if you take the jewelry or
money, but
don't even think of messing with the fridge."
Goldfish: "Oh, tap-tap-tap! You're a brilliant
one, Sparky.
That's a new one to me!"
Cat: "I wish he would stop kicking me down the
stairs."
Dog: "The 'pretending to throw a stick' game is
getting old,
but I seem unable to stop myself from looking for
it."
Dog: "Why is the baby eating my food?"
Hamster: "Kill me now, this wheel is boring."
Iguana: "Oh great, another day of being in this
small little
cage with my food bowl, my water and these
annoying wood
chips scraping my ass."
Dog: "Man, my dog food looks exactly like my shit!
Well if
I'm ever hungry, I'll know there's plenty for me
in the
backyard ..."
Dog: "I bet if he could do that, he wouldn't be
telling me
to stop."
Cat: "Oh no, he's picking me up. Another 'land on
all fours
off the balcony' test again."
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