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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
It's quite late tonight and I was nearly not going
to send
this, but I figured some might miss it if I don't.
Rather
than making it any later my writing more and more
here
(I'm great at waffling and never seem to shut up)
I'll just
email it now.
I hope the jokes, toons and game are to your
liking!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Employee: "I'm sorry but I can't come in today. My
doctor says I suffer from Anal Glaucoma."
Boss: "Anal Glaucoma? What's that?"
Employee: "I just can't see my ass coming to
work!"
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CARTOON TIME:
Hand Lotion...
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Carrying Donuts...
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Implants Last Forever...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/013.htm
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FUN PAGE
Star Castle (Tricky Game)...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/starcastle.html
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
This guy was reading the paper one day lamenting
the fact
that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds.
Next
thing he sees an advertisement for a guaranteed
weight loss
program. He calls them on the phone and subscribes
to the 3
day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day there's a knock at his door, and when
he
answers, there stands before him a voluptuous,
athletic 19
year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nikes and a
sign hanging around her neck. She introduces
herself as a
representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have
me."
Well, without a second thought he takes off after
her. A
few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally
catches
her and has his way with her. After they are
through, he
kisses the girl one last time and thinks to
himself, I like
the way this company does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and
the same
thing happens each time. On the fourth day, he
weighs
himself and, sure enough, he's lost 10 pounds.
Deciding that
he likes his more slender physique, not to mention
the
method of treatment, he calls the company back and
subscribes
to their 5 day, 20 lb. weight loss program.
The next day there's a knock at his door, and
there stands a
22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair
of
Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck, which
reads, "If
you catch me, you can have me."
He's out the door like a shot. It takes a while to
catch her,
but when he does, it is worth every cramp and
wheeze. She's
the best he's ever had. For the next four days,
the same girl
shows up and the same thing happens each time.
On the sixth day, he weighs himself and,
unbelievably, he has
lost another 20 pounds. He decides to go for broke
and
subscribe to the company's 7 day, 50 pound weight
loss program.
"Are you sure, sir?" asks the representative on
the phone.
"This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely!", he says. "I love your program. I
haven't felt
this good in years!"
The next day there comes a knock at this door and
he
enthusiastically answers it. There stands Richard
Simmons
wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign
around his
neck that reads "If I catch you, I can have you."
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ODE TO IMPOTENCE
My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my waterspout
Time was when, on its own accord
From my trousers it would spring
But now I've got a full time job
To find the blasted thing
It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand up and watch me shave
Now as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes
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