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====> Welcome to JokesUncut
=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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Have you noticed your computer running slower than
ever?
The reason for that may have to do with online
advertisers
adding SpyWare or AdWare to your computer without
your
knowledge. "Spyware" is a common term for files
that are
installed on your system without your knowledge
that allow
companies to monitor your Internet activity.
"AdWare" is
software that will show you popup ads over and
over. What
they don't tell you, however, is how these files
can be
extremely dangerous to your PC and could cause
major
problems with your PC.
We are offering every computer owner, including
yourself,
the opportunity to scan your computer to see how
many
"SpyWare" infections your PC has free of charge.
To scan your computer for free, click here:
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/trekblue8
Our goal is to put an end to shady online
advertising so
that Internet users can enjoy the World Wide Web
without
having their privacy intruded upon.
We urge you to run the free scan!
Click Here To Begin Scan:
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/trekblue8
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INTRODUCTION:
Not much to say today... errrrrr.... ummmmm...
enjoy the
jokes, enjoy the toons, enjoy the fun page? Please
excuse
the ads... just trying in vain to keep a roof over
my head.
Enjoy the rest of the day and don't work too
hard!!!
Phil <---Going to be sleeping on a park bench if
everyone
keeps ignoring the ads.
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QUICK JOKE
A young couple were in a car parked on Lovers Lane
and the
young man turned admiringly to his pretty date and
said, "Gee,
you smell good. You wearing perfume or something?"
The girl blushed charmingly and confessed that she
was
wearing a new perfume that she'd bought especially
with him
in mind. "You smell good, too," she aid, "What do
you have on?"
"Well, I have a hard-on," blurted the young man,"
but I didn't
know that you could smell it."
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CARTOON TIME:
Hand Lotion...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/011.htm
Carrying Donuts...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/012.htm
Implants Last Forever...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/013.htm
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FUN PAGE
Space Invaders!...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/spaceinvaders.html
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ATTENTION!!! New Virus Epidemic!
Netsky and Bagel have now infected more than a
million
computers since they were first detected, causing
losses of
more than 38,500 million dollars.
Does your computer seem to be running slower than
usual? If
you've using the Internet over the past month,
your computer
may be infected with a computer Virus that your
current
Anti-virus software may have failed to detect and
remove.
Some of this computer viruses disable many
Antivirus
programs so that they remain undetected! PAL
Emergency
Response is an Anti-virus program that works
separate from
any other program on your PC and will remove all
the latest
computer threats.
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/emergencyr
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BIONIC ARM
A man had been in a terrible car accident, and
woke up in
the hospital. Looking around, he noticed a doctor
leaning
over his bed. "Jesus doc," the man exclaimed,
"what
happened. Where am I."
The doctor replied "You have been in a bad car
accident, and
you're in the hospital, but don't worry, you're
going to be
all right. The bad news is that we had to amputate
your
right arm, above the elbow."
"Oh no," the man screamed. "I'd rather be dead. I
can't go
through life without my arm. Please doc, kill me.
I can't
go on like this........"
"Now son," said the doctor, "with the miracles of
modern
medicine today, we can give you a Bionic Arm. Only
costs
one million dollars, and it looks and works just
like the
real thing. Nobody will ever know it's not your
own arm."
"Yeah, great," the man groaned. "And where the
hell am I
gonna get a million bucks. I'm better off dead."
"Hang on now," said the doctor. "We've been
looking for a
case like yours for a while now. We just came up
with a
new arm. For only ten thousand dollars, you can
have it. It
looks just like the more expensive one, but the
only
difference is that this one has a small microphone
built
into it, and you have to TELL the arm what to do.
Other
than that, it works just like the other one."
"Well," the guy says, "I can probably afford ten
grand. Go
ahead, sew it on."
The next day, the guy woke up in the same bed, and
saw the
doctor leaning over him again. "Well, doc, how did
it go?
Is everything all right?"
"We think that the operation was a success,"
replied the
surgeon, "but you will have to try it out, and let
us know
if there are any problems with it."
Later on in the day, the guy was lying in bed,
practicing
with his new arm. "Lift up," he commanded. The arm
lifted
up. "Move right." The arm moved to the right.
"Move left."
The arm moved to the left. Everything seemed to be
working
without a hitch, and he was really pleased. All of
a
sudden, he had the urge to go to the bathroom.
He hopped out of bed, and proceeded into the john.
"Arm,
reach down and undo my zipper." The arm obeyed.
"Take out
my Wang." The arm obeyed flawlessly. The guy had
his
leak, and when he was done, he commanded, "Shake
it." The
arm gave it a little shake. "No, shake it harder!"
The
arm gave it a good shake. "Hey," the guy said,
"that feels
pretty good......jerk it off."
(Ouch....)
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How would you like to know how to build your own
computer
loaded with all the cool hardware your friends
always brag
about?... All for under $500? If you can screw in
a light
bulb and turn a screwdriver you can easily build
your own PC
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/kwellman
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HORSE JOKE
A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. In
front of him
he see's a big jar full of 5's and a little card
it reads:
Hello, if you would like to win all of this money
you have
to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh.
COST $5
So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse
into the
bathroom. 2 minutes later they come out and the
horse is
laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So
the guy
takes the money and leaves.
THE NEXT DAY:
The same guy walks in the bar again and see's the
horse
and the jar, this time it says:
You can win all of this if you make the horse cry.
Cost $10
So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into
the
bathroom. 4 minutes later they come out and the
horse is
crying like no body ever had. So the guy takes the
jar but
before he could leave the bartender asks "How did
you do
that?" The guy says "The first time I told him my
dick was
bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"
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Double The Speed Of Your PC
Discover some of the most amazing secrets to speed
up and
optimize your PC that you will ever learn, you can
do
everything in this report without spending a
single cent on
hardware and I will show you exactly how in these
two main
categories:
1) Hardware Optimization - e.g. CPU, modem, hard
disk, CD
drive, memory etc...
(2) Software Optimization - e.g. Internet
Explorer, Outlook,
Media Player, Office 2000 etc...
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/sanderson
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