JokesUncut - 09 April 2004

 

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=====> Seriously Scottish Adult Jokes For The Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:

OK, so it seems I'm not quite as blind as I thought... the
optician who made my last glasses basically got part of my
prescription round the wrong way... so that the axis was
wrong. Basically it wasn't to do with the strength... but
the internal curves that helps with focus. I ended up with
a +2.25 when I needed a -2.25, I remember feeling pretty
blind leaving the opticians with my new glasses... I just
thought that I had to get used to the new prescription.

Does anyone else where glasses? I don't see anything out
my left eye... so the lens is their for 'cosmetic' reasons
and is balanced with the right... I didn't fancy a pirates
patch or a monacle.

As for my prescription it is: Sphere -15.00, Cylinder -2.25
Axis 25... and I still try to have conversations with
pillar boxes, which I'm told means I'm quite short sighted.

Enjoy your jokes... from the man with his nose 1" from the
monitor...

Have a great Easter!!!

Phil (mailto:mrx@ezines4all.com)

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QUICK JOKE

An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his
neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked
worried and asked him if anything was wrong.

"I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some pissed-off husband
wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop fucking his wife."

"So stop," the barkeep said.

"I can't," the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. "The prick didn't
sign his name!"

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CARTOON TIME:

Thirst Quencher...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200310/009.htm

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FUN PAGE

The Most Annoying Page On The Internet (Be Warned)...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/annoying.htm

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Get FREE Easter Smileys!

Get them all, by clicking here - download now!
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BREEDING TRICK

A farmer was having trouble getting his
horses to breed. He had tried everything
and was at his wits end. Finally one day
he called the local Vet. The Vet told him
to rub the male nose into the female
horse...He would get the scent of her and
breed.

Sure enough the farmer rubbed the
male horses nose into the female and he
hopped right on.

That evening the farmer was thinking about his own
trouble in the sex department. So that night after
him and his wife were laying in bed, he reached down
underneath the covers and rubbed on his wife and then
rubbed his nose. To his amazement he got his first
hard-on in years. He yelled out to his wife...
"honey look!!! look!!!"

His wife turned on the light disgusted and said
"You woke me up to tell me you had a bloody nose?"

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We've found the best dog treats for your best friend!

Try out our dog treats for free! Click the link below:

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Healthy, natural and free dog treats! What could be better?
Try out our Amazing Dog Treats today!

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GETTING OLDER

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the
other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild
nights we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up
and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

"Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you
now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw
me!"

She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!

"Yeah," I said, Just so long as you don't mind a man with
a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased
me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute!

"Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!"

So I hung up.

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Get hilarious gags and novelty treats for your friends and
enemies alike. These make great presents, are ideal for
parties or any Occasion.

Catch out friends at school or work or family at home with
all these wonderful and bizarre items.

We have all the old jokes and are bursting with new ones.

http://www.gagsplus.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?gagsplus&1215

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