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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
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INTRODUCTION:
Hello All!
Now, I'm not into silly programs on TV like
'Desperate
Housewives' but I know a lot of you females are
which is why
today we have a poll for you to vote in. We want
to know who
you think is the most desperate... if you tell us
we'll enter
you into a prize draw to win $10,000
Susan Mayer, the divorcee and single mom...
Lynette Scavo, the ex-career woman who traded the
boardroom for boredom...
Bree Van De Kamp, the Martha Stewart on
steroids...
Gabrielle Solis, the ex-model with everything
she's ever wanted
- so what's she doing with John, the 17-year-old
gardener?
And Edie Britt, whose romantic conquests have
everyone buzzing!
http://www.ezines4all.com/polls/desperate.htm
Have a great day!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
NEWS FLASH!
Alabama's worst air disaster occurred when a small
two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two
University of
Alabama students, crashed into a cemetery earlier
today.
Search and rescue workers have recovered 300
bodies so far
and expect the number to climb as digging
continues into the
evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are
helping in
the recovery efforts.
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CARTOON TIME:
AOL Badverts
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/013.htm
The Deep End
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/014.htm
Mr Ed At The North Pole
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/015.htm
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FUN PAGE
Ever Wondered What Your Pets Do When You're Not
Home?...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/whatpetsdo.htm
Overdose Victims...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/overdose.htm
Smile!...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/smile.htm
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STUTTER
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes
to a
counter in a department store and asks,
"W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and
says
nothing.
The man repeats himself:
"W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn't answer him.
The guy asks several more times:
"W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy storms off in anger.
The customer who was waiting in line behind the
guy asks
the clerk,
"Why wouldn't you answer that guy's question?"
The clerk answers. . .
"D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get
b-b-b-beat
up?!!"
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COMPUTER ONE LINERS
DIVORCE.BAT found....deleting C:\MARRIAGE\SPOUSE
Hard Disk space: the final frontier!
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can
be kicked.
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!
COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C:
I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter
than
an administrator.
I am logged in, therefore I am.
I are Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You
will be
approximated.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
I had a life once... now I have a computer and a
modem.
I know I'm supposed to back up my files, but I
still
haven't found reverse on my PC.
I was going to switch her to DOS, but she had a
gun
I'll give up my Windows 3.1 when they pry my cold,
dead
fingers off the mouse.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
If you read in the bathroom, is that multitasking?
In my next life I'm going to have more memory
installed
Intel - still number 0.999873464508.
ISDN: I Still Don't kNow
ISDN: Idiot Services you Don't Need
It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups.
Klingon prompt: strike any user when ready.
Manual Writer's Creed: Garbage in, gospel out.
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
MicroSloth: "Bringing you ten-year-old technology,
tomorrow, maybe."
MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
Multitasking - screwing up several things at once.
My computer NEVER cras@#%^TU*NO CARRIER
My Go this amn keyboar oesn't have any 's.
My software never has bugs. It just develops
random
features.
Nerd: someone on the Dork Side of the Farce.
Network: anything reticulated or decussated at
equal
intervals, with interstices between the
intersections.
Never trust a computer you can't lift. - Stan
Masor
Never trust a computer you can't throw out the
window.
- S. Hunt
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of
WordPerfect.
Old programmers never die; they just give up their
resources.
One person's error is another person's data.
One picture is worth 128K.
Our system is very reliable. Nothing ever goes
wr[}\-_+=~'{?>.(#$%{!`'?;f;fkj;uiutoiun;gt;to;g;g;t
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry
Acronyms
Programming Department: Mistakes made while you
wait.
Programming is an art form that fights back.
RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
Real programs don't eat cache.
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to
DOS...
Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up,
push
down, byte, byte, byte!
Smith & Wesson - The ultimate "Point-and-Click"
Interface...
Some programming languages manage to absorb change
but
withstand progress.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler
bug.
System halted. Press Enter key to continue.
System has erased all work in progress. Press any
key to
ignore and continue.
System has violated data integrity. Delete all
data? Y/y __
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword,
and
usually, the
programmer.
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out,
put new
ones in.
The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN
program in
any language.
The generation of random numbers is too important
to be
left to chance.
The name is Baud... James Baud.
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