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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
Hello and welcome to your 'regular' joke list. I
hope that
I can bring a little light relief to your day
whatever your
role. Perhaps you do a job that involves as much
skill as
the great people from China display in the
presentation
below...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/china/index.htm
Have a great day!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and
paired off
in twos for the day.
That night, one of the hunters returned alone,
staggering
under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of
miles back
up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the
deer back?"
they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured
no one is
going to steal Henry!"
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CARTOON TIME:
Mannequin Abduction
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/004.htm
Persistent Mormons
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/005.htm
The Aardvark Breakfast
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/006.htm
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FUN PAGE
Dream Car
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=210&pid=5209&s=n
The Farting Reindeer
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=210&pid=4995&s=n
Cheer Up
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=210&pid=3016&s=n
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BUYING A BURRITO
On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell
for a quick bite to
eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill.
I figure that with
a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have
to worry about
anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break
a $50 bill.
Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please,
to go."
Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"
Me: "No, it's to go."
At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the
$2 bill. He looks
at it kind of funny.
Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still
within my earshot. The
following conversation occurs between the two of
them:
Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
Manager: "No. A what?"
Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such
thing as a $2
bill."
Server: "Yeah, thought so."
He comes back to me and says, "We don't take
these.
Do you have anything else?"
Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills?
Why?"
Server: "I don't know."
Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"
Server: "Yeah."
Me: "So, why won't you take it?"
Server: "Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager, who has been watching
me like
I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have
to take it."
Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can
open the safe and
get change."
Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in
here."
Server: "What should I do?"
Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has
real money."
Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."
Manager: "Just tell him."
Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in
back."
The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry,
but we don't take big
bills this time of night."
Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a
two dollar bill."
Manager: "We don't take those, either."
Me: "Why not?"
Manager: "I think you know why."
Me: "No really ... tell me why."
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall
security."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall
security."
Me: "What on earth for?"
Manager: "Please, sir."
Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
Manager: "Would you please just leave?"
Me: "No."
Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."
Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
At this point, he backs away from me and calls
mall security on the
phone around the corner. I have two people staring
at me from the
dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just
for effect. A few
minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.
Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give
me some ...
(pause) funny money."
Guard: "No kidding! What?"
Manager: "Get this ... a two dollar bill."
Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two
dollar bill?"
Manager: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says
the only other
thing he has is a fifty."
Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"
Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."
Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"
Manager: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and
get him out of
here?"
Guard: "Yeah."
Security Guard walks over to me and ...
Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake
bills you're trying to
use."
Me: "Uh, no."
Guard: "Lemme see 'em."
Me: "Why?"
Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!"
but I want to eat,
so I say, "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and
pay for it with this
two dollar bill."
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches
like I'm taking a
swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a
few times in his
hands, and says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with
this bill?"
Manager: "It's fake."
Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."
Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."
Guard: "Yeah ... ?"
Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both look at him like
he's an idiot, and it
dawns on the guy that he has no clue.
So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he
threw in a small
drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.
Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar
bills just
to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.
If I got the right group of people, I could
probably end up in jail.
You get free food there, too!
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NIGHT STEALING
A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory.
There
had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the
night shift,
and so every morning when the night shift workers
passed
through his gate it was his job to check their
bags and
pockets to make sure that nothing was being
stolen.
Things were going along very well the first night
on the job
until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspaper
came through
his gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can
cover up
what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he
removed the
paper only to find nothing.
Still he felt that the man was acting strangely,
so he
questioned him about the paper.
"I get a little extra money from newspapers I
recycle, so I go
into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people
have
thrown away."
The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a
close eye on
him.
The next night it was the same, and the night
after that.
Week after week it went on. The same guy would
push the
wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard's
checkpoint. The
guard would always check and find nothing.
Then one night, about a year later, the guard
reported for
work only to find a message had been left for him
telling
him to report to his supervisor.
He walked into the supervisor's office and before
he could
say a word, the boss said, "You're fired!"
"Fired?" he asked in total surprise. "Why? What
did I do?"
"It was your job to make sure that no one stole
anything
from this plant and you have failed. So you're
fired."
"Wait a minute, what do you mean failed. Nobody
ever stole
anything from this place while I was on guard."
"Oh, really," the boss answered. "Then how do you
account
for the fact that there are 365 wheelbarrows
missing?"
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