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=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
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INTRODUCTION:
Our weekend was busy. On Saturday we were sitting
down
eating dinner at night when we got a phone call
saying
"are you still coming tonight?" we'd forgotten
we'd been
invited over to a friends house for a games night
and
supper. We were then immediately instructed to
stop eating
and were told what time we'd be picked up. The
games night
was great, we played various versions of a game
called
"who's in the bag?" and we had a lovely supper,
lots of our
friends were their and we didn't go home until
1am. On
Sunday we went out for lunch to another friends
house after
church and at night we went to another friends
house for
supper... so quite a busy weekend for me.
We were Christmas shopping yesterday and today. We
got stuck
in a traffic jam yesterday which was miserable and
made
worse by the fact we were in a taxi and the meter
was
ticking away. I've managed to get Christmas
presents for one
of my sisters as she gives me a huge list every
year which
you would need a re-mortgage in order to get
everything on
it. I haven't managed to buy anything for my
sister or my
Mum yet and time is really running out. It looks
like I
might have to go down the toiletries and
chocolates route
if I don't get any ideas soon. I've got little
things to
open but no 'main' present. I want to buy my Mum a
32"
integrated digital widescreen sorround sound TV
but she
claims she doesn't need a new TV despite only
having a 20"
4:3 mono TV which isn't digital compatible. It
only has
one scart socket and she can't even record off of
Sattelite... not that she even has a recordable
DVD yet...
or even a DVD!!! She seriously needs to get into
the 21st
century.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how
unfair it
is for my client to be accused of theft. He
arrived in New
York City a week ago and barely knows his way
around. What's
more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How
much English
can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your
wallet!"
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CARTOON TIME:
Computer Toasting
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200410/022.htm
Creation Explained
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200410/023.htm
Over-Worked Mouse
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200410/024.htm
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FUN PAGE
A nice soppy page...
Road Of Friendship...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/road.htm
A new platform game today...
Alien Hominid...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/alienh.htm
Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm
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Eat, drink and be merry on us! Get a free* $100
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A DAY OFF WORK
So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what
you are
asking for:
There are 365 days per year available for work.
There are 52
weeks per year in which you already have 2 days
off per week,
leaving 261 days available for work. Since you
spend 16 hours
each day away from work, you have used up 170
days, leaving
only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break,
which counts
for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days
available. With
a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46
days,
leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave.
This
leaves you only 20 days per year available for
work. We are
off 5 holidays per year, so your available working
time is
down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days
vacation per
year, which leaves only 1 day available for work
and I'll be
darned if you are going to take that day off!
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HEADLINES FROM 2035
Ozone created by electric cars now killing
millions in the
seventh largest country in the world, California.
White minorities are still trying to have English
recognized
as California's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United
States crops
& livestock.
Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.
Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for
$4.6 million.
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will
take at
least ten more years before radioactivity
decreases to safe
levels.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can
now be
imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton
has banned
all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in
2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp
to $7.89
and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to
weight loss.
Massachusetts executes last remaining
conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals
violates
their civil rights.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of
mutants.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven
inches.
Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest
version
of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is
completed.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers,
screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up
newspapers must
be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal
political
contributions to campaign accounts.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%
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Would you like a 5 Megapixel Digital Camera by
participating in a special promotion?
Take digital photos with this 5 Megapixel Digital
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