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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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INTRODUCTION:
We had to get up really early today to go and sign
up for
the tenany agreement. It's a good one because you
cannot
be asked to leave unless you do something really
bad which
means you would need to be evicted and also you
have a right
to buy the property at discount once you've lived
in in for
five years. I don't expect to move really soon...
my aim
would be to move in some time in February. Before
that
there's a lot of stuff we want to do... I'm
praying that
God will make money available to do everything we
want to
turn the house into a home.
Have a great day and never forget the power of
prayer.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
My mother was away all weekend at a business
conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect.
My
six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard
a
stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the
line. Will you
accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the
receiver and
came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got
Mom! An
they want money!"
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CARTOON TIME:
Pushing It Too Far
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200410/028.htm
Agoraphobics Convention
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200410/029.htm
Confusing The Aliens
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200410/030.htm
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FUN PAGE
Guide the android through the levels and collect
enough gold
to make a shiny suit... sounds easy enough doesn't
it?
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/zed/index.htm
The Reflex Tester...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/reflex.htm
Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm
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SIGNS THAT THE ENTERPRISE IS NEARING THE END OF
IT'S WARRANTY
Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
Rust problem in engineering causes support
failure: one corner of
warp coil now help up by phone book.
Computer fails to process any instruction
beginning with "w".
Booster cables become permanent fixtures in
transporter room.
Captain's chair must be propped up against screen
to keep image
from flickering.
Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of
falling through
squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
Main sensor array unable to pick up anything
except CBS.
Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps
along either side
become too steep for crew to climb.
Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are
more than 2 people
on board.
Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship
is overcome by ten
thousand care bears.
Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is
making Kraft macaroni
and cheese.
Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light
beer.
Bug in main computer speech processor: computer
voice will either
stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.
Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically
replaces water in
Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange
juice.
Ship's dryer indiscriminately shreds crew's
uniforms, and related
problem in fabrication machinery will only produce
new clothing with
Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
Computer refuses to carry out commands unless
captain says "Pretty
please with sugar on it".
Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's
ready room are
exhausted and door must be replaced with bead
curtains.
Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left
turn.
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KIND SCOTS
One cold December day, a French tourist in
Scotland decided
to find out if the natives were as tight as he had
heard. He
stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife
he was
freezing to death, and was invited to come in and
warm himself
at the hearth. Once inside the house, he
complained of being
thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white
crockery mug
filled with milk. After taking a big swig, the
guest
exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are
most generous!"
She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family
wouldn't drink
that milk because we found a dead rat in it."
Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both
hands over
his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the
floor and
shatter on the stone floor.
The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high
in the air,
brought it down on the visitor's head, and
hollered, "Get out,
you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let
you share my
fire, I give you milk to drink ... and now you
repay my
kindness by breaking the children's potty chair!"
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