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=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
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INTRODUCTION:
I've been a bit groggy today so I'll keep this
short and
sweet... have a totally wondeful fabulous great
day!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments
with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy
Father and
thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment
that teaches
us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest
of a
family) answered, "Thou shall not kill..."
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CARTOON TIME:
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Time To Feed The Dog
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FUN PAGE
Halloween Party...
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Water My Plants
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Random Fun Page...
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PARENTHOOD
If it was going to be easy, it never would have
started with something
called labor!
Shouting to make your children obey is like using
the horn to steer your
car, and you get about the same results.
The smartest advice on raising children is to
enjoy them while they are
still on your side.
Avenge yourself ~~~ live long enough to be a
problem to your children.
The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a
loving atmosphere ~~
and hide the keys to the car.
Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers,
and board newlyweds.
The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences
when all the children
are finally in bed.
Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to
need babysitters and
too young to borrow the family car.
Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a
middle name is so he
can tell when he's really in trouble.
Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~
handy to have around and
easily wrapped around the fingers of
grandchildren.
There are three ways to get something done: Do it
yourself, hire someone
to do it, or forbid your children to do it.
Adolescence is the age when children try to bring
up their parents.
Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is
like trying to shovel
the driveway during a snowstorm.
Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child
thought I was when he was
small, and half as stupid as my teenager now
thinks I am.
There are only two things a child will share
willingly: communicable
diseases and his mother's age.
Adolescence is the age at which children stop
asking questions because
they know all the answers.
An alarm clock is a device for awakening people
who don't have small
children.
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SMILES FROM THE BIBLE
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone
else was in
liquidation
Q. What was the greatest female financier in the
Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank
of the Nile and drew
out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in
a Fury. David's
Triumph
was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a
Honda, because the
apostles
were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to
why he no longer
lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant
lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always
overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in
the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
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