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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
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Fake Lottery Scratch Cards
Watch your friends get excited when they scratch
off the panel
to reveal they've won a prize!
Wait until they have it spent before telling them
it's a fake.
Then watch their faces... and be prepared to run.
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/gagsplus18.htm
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INTRODUCTION:
Today I'm really annoyed with a couple of friends
of ours.
We invited them round to dinner yesterday and they
eagerly
accepted the invitation. I told them I was going
to cook a
full roast and was going out to get the
ingredients.
I took a special trip to the supermarket
especially to buy
the groceries required. I bought all the fresh
ingredients
required for the menu which included a large fresh
turkey
joint, chipolata sausages, sage & onion stuffing,
yorkshire
pudding batters, crispy roast potatos, potato
croquettes,
carrots, broccoli and gravy. I was also in a hurry
so got a
taxi there and back. I put all the food on to cook
and I
set the table with all the best cutlery, glasses,
napkins,
place-mats etc only to then be sent a message
saying they
weren't coming anymore. They weren't even polite
enough to
telephone me. The excuse they left was that they'd
forgotten
they were going to a club they sometimes go to...
nobody
would have been disappointed if they didn't go.
Aside from
that I had told them we were dining at 5pm and the
club
they attend is 10 minutes from my house and starts
at 8pm...
but I couldn't discuss that with them as they had
their
phones switched off... probably to avoid having to
answer
to me.
What is more annoying is that this isn't the first
time
they've done this and yet I never learn. I still
invite
people that have let me down at the last minute. I
know
that it's not a reflection on my cooking as they
both
enjoy that... it's just a reflection on how
ignorant and
selfish some human beings are. Makes you wonder
what you
should consider a friend.
You're all invited round to my house for dinner
any time
you want! If you happen to be in Scotland that is!
Take care and have a great day!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so
pleased that he
asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led
him into the
kitchen and introduced him to the chef.
"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer
said. "I just
spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than
any I ever had
over there."
"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use
domestic
cheese. Ours is imported."
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CARTOON TIME:
Congratulations On Your New Baby!
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/058.htm
Stop Messing With My Head
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/059.htm
8 Items Or Less Queue
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/060.htm
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FUN PAGE
This version of Space Invaders is more challenging
than
other versions where you can quite easily get up
to Level
357 or something like that. This one actually
makes it
difficult for you to even get up to level 5...
either that
or my game-playing skills are getting poorer.
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/spaceinvaders/index.htm
Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm
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Double The Speed Of Your PC
Discover some of the most amazing secrets to speed
up and
optimize your PC that you will ever learn, you can
do
everything in this report without spending a
single cent on
hardware and I will show you exactly how in these
two main
categories:
1) Hardware Optimization - e.g. CPU, modem, hard
disk, CD
drive, memory etc...
(2) Software Optimization - e.g. Internet
Explorer, Outlook,
Media Player, Office 2000 etc...
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/sanderson
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THE AMERICAN BUSINEESMAN
The American businessman was at the pier of a
small coastal Mexican
village when a small boat with just one fisherman
docked. Inside the
small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The
American complimented
the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked
how long it took to
catch them. The Mexican replied only a little
while.
The American then asked why didn't he stay out
longer and catch more
fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support
his family's immediate
needs. The American then asked, but what do you do
with the rest of your
time?
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a
little, play with
my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria,
stroll into the village
each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with
my amigos, I have a
full and busy life, senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and
could help you. You
should spend more time fishing and with the
proceeds buy a bigger boat
with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could
buy several boats,
eventually you would have a fleet of fishing
boats. Instead of selling
your catch to a middleman you would sell directly
to the processor,
eventually opening your own cannery. You would
control the product,
processing and distribution. You would need to
leave this small coastal
fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA
and eventually NYC
where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long
will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
But what then, senor?
The American laughed and said that's the best
part. When the time
is right you would announce an IPO and sell your
company stock to the
public and become very rich, you would make
millions.
Millions, senor? Then what?
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to
a small coastal
fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a
little, play with
your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to
the village in the
evenings where you could sip wine and play your
guitar with your
amigos."
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Mole, Wart & Skin Tag Free In 3 Days
Do You Want To Have...
Freedom from the pain and irritation of your
unsightly moles,
warts or skin tags?
No more endless days of fighting a losing battle
with these
problems? To wake up and enjoy the rest of your
day knowing
your skin is clear and pain-free, and STAYS that
way?
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/molewartfr
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WHY CHEMISTS DON'T WRITE COOK BOOKS
Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow
triglyceride
5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic
aldehyde
8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian
albumen-coated protein
9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve
size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor
#1)
with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about
100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and
three
with constant agitation.
In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow
impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients
four,
five, six, and seven until the mixture is
homogenous.
To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by
three
equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor
#1.
Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly,
with
constant agitation. Care must be taken at this
point in
the reaction to control any temperature rise that
may be
the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer,
place
the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600
mm).
Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is
in
agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate
expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden
brown.
Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on
a 25C
heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come
to equilibrium.
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Does your computer seem to be running slower than
usual? Do you get bombarded with annoying pop up
ads?
Well, if you've ever downloaded any music, movie
clips, or games then your computer may be infected
with "AdWare" and "SpyWare" applications!
Advertisers use downloadable music files and movie
clips to add "SpyWare" and "AdWare" to consumer
PCs.
"AdWare" allows companies to monitor your
internet activity and serve you annoying pop up
ads.
If you're suspicious that Internet Advertisers
have
placed "AdWare" or "SpyWare" to your computer,
then here's your chance to combat it.
http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/trekblue8
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