DafterLafter - 28 September 2004

 

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=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:

Someone I know had a birthday recently so I made her a
lovely card which I thought I'd share with you. If anyone
you know has a birthday coming soon then feel free to share
this card with them.

http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/happybirthday.htm

Take care and have a fantastic day!

Phil

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QUICK JOKE

"What they put women through today when they're having a baby!
They don't want to medicate them, as compared to previous
generations. When my mom had me, she had so much medication, she
didn't wake up till I was seven."
- Dennis Wolfberg

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CARTOON TIME:

Long Waits At The Doctors
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/055.htm

Please Pull Over
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/056.htm

Cat Culinary Skills
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/057.htm

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FUN PAGE

Todays game is really fun to play but is annoyingly
difficult for a game which 'seems' so easy.

Space Fighter...
http://www.ezines4all.com/spacefighter/index.htm

Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm

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BUREAUCRACY

A few months ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another
mother I knew well, rushed up to me. Emily was fuming with indignation. "Do
you know what you and I are?" she demanded. Before I could answer - and I
didn't really have one handy - she blurted out the reason for her question.
It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at the
County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman recorder to state her
"occupation," Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I
mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a
.?" "Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother." "We don't
list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife' covers it," said the recorder
emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same
situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career
woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title, like
"Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"And what is your occupation?" she probed. What made me say it, I do not
know. The words simply popped out. "I'm....a Research Associate in the field
of Child Development and Human Relations." The clerk paused, ball-point pen
frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I
repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I
stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink
on the official questionnaire. "Might I ask," said the clerk with new
interest, "just what you do in your field?" Coolly, without any trace of
fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of
research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I
would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters (the whole
darned family) and
already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the
most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often
work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging
than most run-of-the-mill
careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money." There
was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the
form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was
greeted by my lab assistants--age 13, 7, and 3. And upstairs, I could hear
our new experimental model (six months) in the child-development program,
testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt triumphant. I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone down
on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to
mankind than "just another......"

Home...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door!

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Have you noticed your computer running slower than ever?

The reason for that may have to do with online advertisers
adding SpyWare or AdWare to your computer without your
knowledge. "Spyware" is a common term for files that are
installed on your system without your knowledge that allow
companies to monitor your Internet activity. "AdWare" is
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they don't tell you, however, is how these files can be
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We are offering every computer owner, including yourself,
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FUNNY SIGNS

1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove
all your clothes when the light goes out.

2. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder
yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.

3. OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles,
washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a
wonderful bargain.

4. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their
garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

5. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car

6. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock
hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)

7. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out
of order. Please use floor below.

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