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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom

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It's amazing what you can do with a REMOTE CONTROL...

Mini Stunt Cars and Mini Racers
Electric Shock FAKE Remote Control
Sound Activated SPIDER - Hear people scream!
Remote Control Flipper - A Hand That Gives The Finger
Bulls**t Detector and Fart Alarms
ANNOYING Sound Machines and FART Machines
FILTHY Phrases Machine - shouts Obscene Things Out
Remote Control MOUSE - Terify Women as it runs past them

http://www.greatworldmedia.com/gagsplus11.htm

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INTRODUCTION:

Lorraine seems to like seeing dogs dressed up in human
clothes and other silly costumes so she asked me to put up
this page. I have no idea what to make of it... I bet all
the woman type folks will go 'awww, that's cute'. Here goes:

http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/dogthoughts/index.htm

I hope that hasn't ruined your day too much :-)

For the guys I've got something far more useful, it's a
'Handy' calender clock, far more manly!

http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/calendarclock.htm

Have a great day!

Phil

PS... None of you chicks send me emails sticking up for
Lorraine and her 'cute' pictures.

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QUICK JOKE

"Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone. That's
actually what caused many of their deaths ... pillow fights."

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CARTOON TIME:

Submarine Navigation
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/040.htm

Give Me A Sign Lord
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/041.htm

Whole World's Upside Down
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/042.htm

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FUN PAGE

I'm just glad I wasn't doing this in real life otherwise
I'd be in intensive care right now. I'm as fond of a ride
on a rollercoaster as anyone but when it comes to any kind
of extreme sport you can count me out!

Snowboarding...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/snowboardingxs/index.htm

Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm

Find The Black Dot
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/dot.htm

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43-Year Arthritis Sufferer Shocks Her Doctors
By Curing Her Arthritis...
Naturally Without Expensive Medication Or Surgery!
"I Cured My Arthritis You Can Too"

Over 241,987 Copies Sold

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/arthritis

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CONDUCTOR

A conductor was having a lot of trouble with one drummer.
He constantly gave this guy personal attention and much
advice, but his performance simply didn't improve. Finally,
before the whole orchestra, he said,

"When a musician just can't handle his instrument and
doesn't improve when given help, they take away the
instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section,

"And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his
sticks and make him a conductor."

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Mole, Wart & Skin Tag Free In 3 Days

Do You Want To Have...

Freedom from the pain and irritation of your unsightly moles,
warts or skin tags?

No more endless days of fighting a losing battle with these
problems? To wake up and enjoy the rest of your day knowing
your skin is clear and pain-free, and STAYS that way?

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/molewartfr

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MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck,
you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test,
you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think
that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when
I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables,
you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home."

And my all time favorite thing- JUSTICE...
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn
out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE...
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -
I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION...
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL...
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC...
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT...
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in
an accident.

My mother taught me IRONY...
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS...
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM...
"Will you just look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA...
"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER...
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY...
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times
- Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE...
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION...
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY...
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this
world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

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"You Can Easily Make Creative, Interesting Window Valances
That Look Like You Paid a Professional Thousands of
Dollars To Make..."

Looking to decorate your windows?
Give Me 5 Minutes And I'll Show You How
You Can Make Your Very Own Window Valances Step-By-Step
and Save Thousands of Dollars Doing It

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/sewhomedec

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