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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
I hope you're having a great Saturday. Mine hasn't
been to
great so far as I was ill in the night and didn't
sleep too
well and am feeling quite ill at the moment. On
the plus
note I could be a whole lot worse so I shouldn't
complain.
So, I think I'll just pick myself up, shake myself
off and
smile!
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/bigsmile.htm
I hope that this Saturday edition gives you
something to
keep you off the streets and out of trouble for a
while.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
I was eavesdropping on two women sitting behind me
on the bus
when they started talking about a trip to
Switzerland. The
first passenger asked the second whether she had
enjoyed the
beautiful scenery.
"Not really," came the reply. "I couldn't see much
because of
all the mountains in the way."
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CARTOON TIME:
Pictures Of Past Wives
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/034.htm
Writing About Relationships
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/035.htm
Mystery Of The Fat Dog
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/036.htm
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FUN PAGE
Lots of monkey kisses
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The Angry Button...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/angrybutton.htm
Random Fun Page...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/random.htm
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GRANDMA'S APRON
The principle use of Grandma's apron was to
protect the dress
underneath, but along with that, it served as a
holder for
removing hot pans from the oven; it was wonderful
for drying
children's tears, and on occasion was even used
for cleaning
out dirty ears.
From the chicken-coop the apron was used for
carrying eggs,
fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to
be finished
in the warming oven.
When company came those old aprons were ideal
hiding places
for shy kids; and when the weather was cold,
grandma wrapped
it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow,
bent over
the hot wood stove. Chips and kindling-wood were
brought
into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden it carried all sorts of
vegetables. After
the peas had been shelled it carried out the
hulls.
In the fall it was used to bring in apples that
had fallen
from the trees. When unexpected company drove up
the road,
it was surprising how much furniture that old
apron could
dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out on the
porch and
waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to
come in
from the fields for dinner.
It will be a long time before anyone invents
something that
will replace that old-time apron that served so
many purposes.
Hmmm, don't you think someone should clean that
apron?
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GOD CREATED CATS AND DOGS
It is reported that the following edition of the
Book of
Genesis was discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls.
If authentic,
it would shed light on the question, "Where do
pets come from?"
And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden,
you walked
with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I
am lone-
some here and it is difficult for me to remember
how much you
love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a
companion for you
that will be with you forever and who will be a
reflection of
my love for you, so that you will know I love you,
even when
you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and
childish
and unlovable you may be, this new companion will
accept you
as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of
yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for
Adam. And
it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and
he wagged
his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already
named all
the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names
are taken
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem! Because I have created
this new
animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his
name will
be a reflection of my own name, and you will call
him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him
and loved
him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased.
And Dog
was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's
guardian angel
came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become
filled
with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock
and he
believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed
taught
him that he is loved, but no one has taught him
humility."
And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for
him a
companion who will be with him forever and who
will see him
as he is. The companion will remind him of his
limitations,
so he will know that he is not always worthy of
adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And
Cat
would not obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was
reminded that
he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned
humility.
And God was pleased.
And Adam was greatly improved.
And Dog was happy.
And the cat didn't give a damn one way or the
other.
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