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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
Welcome to the start of another working week, kick
back and
relax as the nights come quicker and quicker and
last
longer.
Every American I speak to says they have to worry
about the
telephone lines and electricity when they have bad
weather.
What I want to know is why they don't have the
cables
underground where they're safe like we do? Our
phones and
electricity never go out no matter what the
weather because
they're underground out of the way of the
elements.
Take Care
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
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CARTOON TIME:
Customer Service Request
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/064.htm
More Phone Menu Options
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/065.htm
Remember To Eat And Drink While On Hold
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/066.htm
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FUN PAGE
Martha's New Prison Home...
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/martha.htm
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FRUITCAKE ANYONE?
I have to share this with you...It is ABSOLUTE
best recipe
for fruitcake I have ever tried and thought you
might enjoy
it!
1 cup water - 1tsp baking soda - 1 cup sugar 1 tsp
salt - 4
large eggs - 1 cup brown sugar - 2 cups dried
fruit - a few
drops lemon juice - 1 cup nuts and 1 gallon
whiskey
0-Sample the whiskey to check quality
1-Take a large bowl
2-check the whiskey again to make sure it is of
the highest
quality
3-pour 1 level cup and drink
4-repeat
5-turn electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a
large fluffy
bowl
6-add 1 tsp sugar and beat again
7-make sure whiskey is still ok, try another cup
8-turn off the mixer
9-break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in
the cup of
dried fruit
10-mix on the turner
11-if the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaters,
pry it loose
with a drewscriver
12-sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity
13-next,sift 2 cups salt, or something, who cares
14-check the whiskey
15-now, sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts
16-add 1 tbs sugar or something, whatever you can
find
17-grease the oven
18-turn on the cake pan to 350 degrees
19-don't forget to beat off the turner
20-throw the bowl out the window
21-check the whiskey
22-go to bed.....who the hell likes fruitcake
anyway?
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SLEEPING IN THE BARN
A lawyer and two friends, a rabbi and a Hindu holy
man, had
car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend
the night
with a farmer.
The farmer said "There might be a problem; you
see, I only
have room for two to sleep, so one of you must
sleep in the
barn."
"No problem,"chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered
in the
desert for forty years, I am humble enough to
sleep in the
barn for an evening." With that he departed to the
barn and
the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the
farmer
opened the door. There stood the rabbi from the
barn.
"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.
He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't
sleep in the
barn. There is a pig in the barn it's not kosher
for me, my
faith believes that is an unclean animal."
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him.
But a few
minutes later the same scene. There is a knock on
the door.
"What's wrong?" the farmer asks.
The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for
your
helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and
in my
country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep
with the
sacred cow!"
Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the
change. He
grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn.
Moments
later there was another knock on the farmers door.
Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door,
and there
stood the pig and the cow.
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