| |
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
* ~ * ~ *
<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
<><><><><><><><>
Get Up To $500 FAST Cash by tomorrow!
Get your free fast cash today.
No Cost - No Obligation
Request a cash advance ANY time for ANY reason
http://clicks.emarketmakers.com/redir.aspx?id=301190
<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
<><><><><><><><>
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-
INTRODUCTION:
Well, here we are again back to normality
hopefully. I'm
sure you've missed me putting the worlds to rights
whilst
I was away on vacation and also busy at the
doctors.
My vacation was great, the weather wasn't but I'm
not
interested in that. The hotel staff were friendly
and the
food was good (for all I could eat of it).
On Monday I had to see my doctor about a few
things as I've
not attended recently, there was that much to get
through
that we had to arrange for me to go back next week
again.
It's fortunate that in this country it's free to
attend
your doctor as often as you need to and it's also
fortunate
my doctors is just round the corner from me. I
hear such
terrible stories about health care from around the
World
that is just makes me so glad to be ill in
Scotland :-)
I have so much more to tell you all but that will
just
have to wait because I'm keeping you from your
jokes and
toons.
Catch you same time same place tomorrow!
Phil
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-
QUICK JOKE
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital
where I
work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to
anything.
If they are, I get busy and print it on an allergy
band
placed on the patient's wrists.
Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any
allergies,
she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my
surprise when
a few hours later a very irate young man marches
himself up
to the nurses' station and demands,
"Alright now, which one of you has labeled my
mother
'bananas'?
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-
CARTOON TIME:
Time To Change Your Lifestyle
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/052.htm
Always Read The Signs
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/053.htm
Keeping Watch
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/054.htm
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-
FUN PAGE
Fowl Words...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/fowlwords/index.htm
Magic Card Trick...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/cards.htm
And if you've not seen it yet you HAVE to see the
JibJab
cartoon before they take it off the internet or
start
charging people to see it...
http://www.ezines4all.com/links/thisland.htm
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-
<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
<><><><><><><><>
Save on Hotels, Airfare, Cruises & More!
Join now and receive a 3 day/2 night hotel stay
plus your
"First 30 days Free" Membership!
http://clicks.emarketmakers.com/redir.aspx?id=301194
<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
<><><><><><><><>
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-
GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her
pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds
for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little
home
in the middle of the property with a stream
running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of
this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she
responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations
like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and
so
do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and
have
never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity
in your
marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets.
We
don't necessarily like the music, but the answer
to your
questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets
up
earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady,
why do
you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've
never
wanted a divorce.
My husband does. He said he can't communicate
with me."
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-
<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
<><><><><><><><>
Is $1,000 Dollars enough?
That could be the first week's pay.
Is that enough?
Click Here Today!
http://clicks.emarketmakers.com/redir.aspx?id=301198
<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
<><><><><><><><>
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-
DOG SENSE
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he
wags his
tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive
evidence
that you are wonderful. -Ann Landers
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I
want to
go where they went. -Will Rogers
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy
licking
your face. -Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you
more than
he loves himself. -Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average
person
-Andy Rooney
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare
and
love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us
their all.
It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies,
quite unlike
people, who are incapable of pure love and always
have to
mix love and hate. -Sigmund Freud
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members
of a weird
religious cult. -Rita Rudner
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to
turn
around three times before lying down. -Robert
Benchley
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep
abreast of
current events. The ground is a giant dog
newspaper,
containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news
items, which,
if they are especially urgent, are often continued
in the
next yard. -Dave Barry
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like
never washed
a dog. -Franklin P. Jones
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is
that certain
dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very,
very few
persons. -James Thurber
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough
exercise.
-Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo
is up to
$3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe
Weinstein
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I
mean, here
we come back from a grocery store with the most
amazing
haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think
we're
the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and
dogs
should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A.
Heinlein
Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -Dave
Miliman
If you pick up a starving dog and make him
prosperous, he
will not bite you; that is the principal
difference between
a dog and a man. -Mark Twain
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the
dog will
give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I
never
would've thought of that!' -Dave Barry
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our
lives whole.
-Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three
dog
biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only
two of
them. -Phil Pastoret
My goal in life is to be as good a person as my
dog already
thinks I am. -Unknown
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-
<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
<><><><><><><><>
INTEREST RATES ARE FALLING!
REFINANCE TODAY... FAST AND EASY!
Shopping for a Loan has never been so simple!
<- Refinance
<- Home Purchase
<- Home Equity
<- Debt Consolidation
<- Second Mortgage
<- VA Administration
Click here for a NO-OBLIGATION quote today!
http://clicks.emarketmakers.com/redir.aspx?id=301196
<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
<><><><><><><><>
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.- |
