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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
I'm back from my short break and hopefully we are
all safe
and well after Friday the 13th... we should be
because
superstition is a load of rubbish. I'll say more
about my
break on Monday so look out for that.
Until then have a great weekend.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Stuck in traffic for what felt like eons,
I couldn't help but notice the license plate
on the car in front of me. It read, "BAA BAA."
I was clueless as to why it was chosen until I
looked at the vehicle to which the plate was
attached. It was a black Jeep.
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CARTOON TIME:
What Works For One
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/037.htm
New Father
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/038.htm
Quick Bath
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/039.htm
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FUN PAGE
I'm not sure whether it's because I'm 98% blind or
whether I
just have terrible coordination (I am dyspraxic
afterall)
but I found this game very tricky. I managed to
get to level
3 after a few attempts but even that was a
struggle. I think
the problem is that I have my nose so close to the
screen I
can 'scan' a big area at once waiting for little
smiley faces
to shoot.
Good luck to anyone else who'e as bad as me...
you'll need it.
Paintball.
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/paintball/index.htm
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FISHING TIP
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out
onto a
frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice and dropped in
his
fishing line. He was there for almost an hour,
without even
a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the
ice, cut a
hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy
dropped his
fishing line and minutes later he hooked a
largemouth bass.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked
it up to
plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy
caught
another large fish.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the
old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've
been here
for over an hour without even a nibble. You've
been here
only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen
fish! How
do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums
rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a
word you're
saying."
The boy spit something into his hand and then
answered, "You
have to keep the worms warm!"
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BUILDERS ACCIDENT REPORT
Dear Sir: "I am writing in response to your
request for
additional information in Block 3 of the accident
report
form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my
accident.
You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following details will be sufficient.
I was alone on the roof of a new six-story
building. When I
completed my work, I found that I had some bricks
left over
which, when weighed later, were found to be
slightly more
than 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by
hand, I
decided to lower them in a barrel by using a
pulley, which
was attached to the side of the building on the
sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to
the roof,
swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into
it.Then I
went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly
to
ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report
form,
that I weigh 135 lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground
so
suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to
let
go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a
rapid
rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the
barrel,
which was now proceeding downward at an equally
impressive speed. This explains the fractured
skull,
minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as
listed in
section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed down slightly, I continued my rapid ascent,
not
stopping until the fingers on my right hand were
two
knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this
time
I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold
tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to
experience
a great deal of pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the
barrel of
bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of
the
barrel.
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that
barrel
weighed approximately 50lbs.
I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down
the side
of the building. In the vicinity of the third
floor, I met
the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two
fractured
ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my
legs and
lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The
encounter with
the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries
when I fell into the pile of bricks and
fortunately, only
three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on
the pile of
bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my
composure
and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I
lay there
watching the empty barrel beginning its journey
back down
onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your questions.
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