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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
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INTRODUCTION:
It was pouring today and I got absolutely soaked.
We
wouldn't have been out other than the fact we had
to get
some stuff for going away on holiday tomorrow.
We're going to Peterhead for a few days. I'm
hoping that my
team of trained monkeys will, between them, be
able to
provide you with your usual jokes.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
The wife heard her husband come back into the
house not too
long after he had left.
She said, "Hon, I thought you were going to your
lodge
meeting."
"It was postponed." he replied. "The wife of the
Grand
Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate wouldn't let
him attend
tonight."
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CARTOON TIME:
Practice Makes Perfect
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/034.htm
Problems With Surgery
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/035.htm
Man Through The Ages
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/036.htm
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FUN PAGE
Such a frustrating game, make sure you're very
careful and
land very slowly or you crash out of control!
Monkey Lander...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/monkeylander/index.htm
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ENOUGH MATERIAL
Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice
piece of
cloth and then tried to locate a tailor. The first
tailor he
visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham,
then told
him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.
Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought
another
tailor. This tailor measured Abraham, then
measured the
cloth, and then smiled and said, "There is enough
cloth to
make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please
come back
in a week to take your suit."
After a week Abraham came to take his new suit,
and saw the
tailor's son wearing trousers made of the same
cloth.
Perplexed, he asked, "Just how could you make a
full suit
for me and trousers for your son, when the other
tailor
could not make a suit only?"
"It's very simple," replied the tailor, "The other
tailor
has two sons."
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STUPID INSTRUCTIONS
"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of
peanuts.
"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo
box,
referring to the styrofoam packing.
"Access hole only -- not intended for use in
lifting box."
-- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above
cut-out
openings which one would assume were handholds.
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of
Nytol,
a brand of sleeping pills.
"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." --
Stamped
on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.
"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In
the
instructions for an electric thermometer.
"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On
the
packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen
the
cutting teeth on the chain.
"Not to be used as a personal flotation device."
-- On
a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.
"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle
rockets.
"Please remove before driving." -- On the back of
a
cardboard windshield (for keeping the car from
getting
too hot when parked).
"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper
of a
Fruit Roll-Up snack.
"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for
a TV.
"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a
car jack.
"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the
instructions
for a cordless phone.
"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to
put in
pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.
"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On
a battery.
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